


Stray Hearts

by SherbetLemon



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Arguments, Baking, Break Up, Colleen and Sam's first meeting, Colleen mothering, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hair Braiding, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Langst, M/M, Oblivious Allura (Voltron), Oblivious Lance (Voltron), One-Sided Relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Pining Keith (Voltron), Post-Season/Series 08 Finale, Relationship(s), Season/Series 08, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Voltron: Legendary Defender Season/Series 08 Fix-It, accidentally hurting everyone you love, at first, canonverse, don't wanna give away too much too soon ;), life on the atlas, supportive friends, that ones about me, wow it has its own tag - nice one guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2019-10-13 11:53:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 31,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17487572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherbetLemon/pseuds/SherbetLemon
Summary: Allura and Lance were dating now. Keith had to accept that. But some days it hurt, like days when he gets assaulted by freaky neo-Disneyland rides and his heart breaks out in frustration. Luckily, Hunk’s there to take the punches. Or maybe catch them, as Keith finds Hunk’s kindness to be his Achilles heel.Lance loves Allura. She deserves the best. The world. The universe. And he’s determined to give it to her. To be the perfect boyfriend. But he’s wired to mess up. Everything he does, he can never get right. Allura reassures him it's fine, but it's not. She shouldn’t have to reassure him. Why was he like this?Lance was sweet. Was kind. And with Allura’s life changing so dramatically, he was the comfort she craved. But she keeps noticing things. And each leave a little knot in her stomach until it starts to ache. Was this how relationships were supposed to be? With everything so different now, can she find somewhere else to turn?A season 8 and beyond fix-it, concentrating on endgame klance whilst respecting my girl, Allura ♥





	1. Clear Day

**Author's Note:**

> So I wasn't too keen on season 8. There were some scenes I did like, but overall it wasn't my cup of tea. But I did see potential in places and I want to write it! 
> 
> So really the key bits I liked were the date episode (ironically) and clear day so that's where we're starting :) 
> 
> There's going to be angst but also fun mixed in and so much fluff in the end. I want them to have fluffy endings so bad ♥  
> And I should make it clear I ship Klance and shipped Lotura so that's the direction the fic is going! 
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy! And comment if you want! They give me life ♥

Clear day was an absolute joke and Keith was done with it yesterday. Why the hell would shrieking creatures in a stupidly dark tunnel be entertaining? It was horrific. And Hunk should not be singing along. Keith’s grip tightened on the safety bar.

‘Hunk. We are getting off.’

‘Wha-!? Oh, come on Keith, lighten up! It’ll be running again any tick now.’

Keith couldn’t help the eye roll. Sure, it would get running. But what was lying around the corner? Probably even squeakier creepy figurines jumping out at them. Maybe, if he was lucky, they’d be holding pick-axes and he could impale himself on one.

A shudder rumbled through the seat and suddenly they were trudging along again.

‘See! What did I tell ya?’

Keith side eyed Hunk. That smile could almost be smug but coming from Hunk it was soft, sympathetic with a hint of happiness. At least he seemed to be enjoying neo-Disneyland with 60s rides straight out of the 90s when they were already old and decrepit. Keith let himself relax back into the chair, folding his arms instead of trying to bend metal with his bare hands. This would be fine. Five more minutes at most. And Hunk was having a good time swinging his arms about like an overzealous conductor. They’d laugh about this later.

Then the ride came to a juddering halt.

There was nothing left to dampen out the shrill voices of by-gone choir children ringing around the psychedelic railway to hell.

Fuck it. Keith ripped his Bayard out of his suit and sliced the bar clean in half. He didn’t need to stick around for this.

‘Coming?’ He yelled as he jumped over the railing and began climbing across the fake wooden hills.

Vowels spilled out of Hunk’s mouth behind him before there was a thud and Hunk was marching alongside him.

‘I mean there was really no need to break their equipment.’

‘It was already broken Hunk.’ Keith bit back in exasperation, ‘that’s what got us into this mess.’

Hunk hummed, unconvinced. Keith didn’t let him respond, slicing the curtain open still on a war path. This planet was just the worst. First of all, everyone was slacking off playing games instead of being on guard. Secondly, the aliens were all sarcastic little shits. And lastly, Lance had run off to find something sparkly for Allura. Like come on, none of them had forgotten they were going out. Quit reminding them. Damn him.

‘KEITH! Wait up!’

Keith let out a growl as Hunk hooked a hand around his arm, physically forcing him into a standstill.

‘Hey man, chill out. What’s got you so mad?’

‘I’m not mad.’

Hunk gave him a look, raising his eye brows. ‘You kinda are.’

‘Just drop it Hunk.’ Keith hissed. Hunk was too damn perceptive. And his brown eyes were so warm Keith knew he’d crack if they kept up with that gooey caring thing they had going on.

Hunk was about to speak when an arm slammed down across Keith’s shoulders, shoving him under a heavy body.

‘Hey guys!’

Oh god no.

‘Guess who won something sparkly for Allura!’

‘Oh, nice one Lance!’ Hunk cheered, slapping their hands together in a high-five that rocked through Keith. He grunted, rolling Lance’s arm off his shoulder.

‘Well done.’ He forced out, ‘what did you get?’

‘Ta-dah!’

Lance beamed as he presented a blue lion toy in front of them. Their lion. Keith’s stomach twisted uncomfortably, and he hated himself for it.

‘I mean I know it’s not sparkly in like the jewellery sense, but d’you think she’ll like it?’

‘Of course, she will dude!’ Hunk replied easily, smashing Lance’s doubts, ‘it’s _your_ lion, how could she not!?’

Keith nodded along with him, ‘yeah, it’s really sweet.’

Because it was, and Keith wasn’t a liar. And he really did want Lance to be happy. It was just that, sometimes, it hurt a little that it couldn’t be with him.

Lance grinned at the two of them, blinding them with sparkling white teeth. ‘Okay! I’m gonna go see how Pidge is doing!’

And just as quickly as he’d arrived, Lance was galloping away, sweeping through the crowd with an ease Keith could only dream of achieving. Without him even realising, a sigh was trailing away from his lips. Warmth wrapped around his bicep and a firm squeeze finally tore Keith away from his trance.

Hunk was ducked in close, speaking quietly. ‘Is that what it is? You’re jealous of Lance?’

Keith recoiled. ‘No!’

Jealous of Lance was the exact opposite of his feelings.

‘Okay!’ Hunk yelped with equal volume, offering out placating hands, ‘just kinda seems like you get quiet every time he mentions Allura.’

‘Well you’re reading it wrong.’ Keith assured gruffly. Hunk was a little too close to the truth than what was comfortable. Keith turned to leave but Hunk’s grip tightened.

‘Then what is it?’

Hunk’s eyes locked onto his, unwavering. His determination to offer care was something Keith truly admired. But it was also his Achilles heel. Keith swallowed thickly, hoping to contain the truths begging to be set free from his throat. Hunk wasn’t having any of that.

‘Seriously man.’ He said softly, ‘you can talk to me.’

Keith shook his head. He couldn’t do this. He was pathetic. He didn’t need Hunk’s sympathy. He was perfectly fine with how things were.

Hunk leant in further, ‘are you in love with Allura?’

‘Jesus Hunk no!’ Keith yelped, throwing his head back in frustration ‘it’s not Allura!’

Hunk hesitated, and Keith could feel his eyes analysing his every muscle.

‘If it’s not her then…’ Hunk trailed off. Keith couldn’t fight the heat rising through his body like a volcano.

‘You like L-‘

Keith didn’t let him finish the sentence, smothering his lips with his palms. With Hunk’s voice trapped, Keith whipped his gaze around the vicinity. Aliens were trudging past, sparing the two scathing looks. Others were distracted with the many stalls surrounding them and more were surging in another direction. Thankfully, there were no familiar faces. Hunk tugged his hand away.

‘You like Lance,’ he whispered, sound barely above the wind.

Keith managed a nod. He wanted to cry. But also yell. And mostly he wanted to run away and hide back in his room on the Atlas for the rest of the night and never speak of this again. None of this was fair.

‘Keith I’m- I’m so sorry.’

The gooey eyes were back. Melted caramel swirling in chocolate pupils and Keith felt them down to the pit of his stomach. Hunk just cared so damn much. It physically hurt Keith to see his own pain mirrored on a face that deserved none of the sort.

‘Don’t be.’ Keith said, stepping back and losing the strength to hold his head up, ‘it’s fine.’

‘No, it’s not.’ Hunk cut in, holding Keith’s arms, ‘you don’t have to go through this alone. Talk to me.’

Hunk was amazing. Despite wanting to cry Keith couldn’t help but smile at his words. He worked so hard to make people happy – able to protect in a way Keith never could. He was a true asset to Voltron. A true friend. And Keith was almost pulled into his offer. Almost. Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do about this particular problem.

‘Thanks.’ Keith said sadly, ‘but I’d really just rather not think about it.’

And rather not pull anyone else into his web of misery.

‘Then come bake!’ Hunk countered quickly, ‘we could always do with the spare hands! Plus, I don’t like seeing you all sad and mopey. Let me cheer you up!’

Keith shook his head, unable to fight off a wider smile. Of course, Hunk had a backup plan. He was far too good for this world. And, well, Keith was never as strong as he made out to be.

‘Alright,’ Keith found himself saying, ‘but I’m not exactly known for my expertise in baking.’

‘Well that’s why I’ll be there!’

Keith felt his shoulders relax. Baking really would be a step up from moping around his room like a slug. Plus, Hunk was pretty strong. With his help, the burden already felt lighter.

‘Thanks Hunk.’ Keith said quietly, ‘you’re a good friend.’

Hunk glowed pink at the compliment, ‘well I try.’

They started walking again and Hunk knocked their shoulders together.

‘We’ll get through this.’ He assured, taking away the last of Keith’s anxieties, ‘you deserve to be happy too.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith does deserve to be happy doesn't he? although I had a lot of fun writing grumpy Keith lmao
> 
> Updates should be weekly - I have a plan and am a good few chapters ahead! But I'm also a third year uni student so I may get swamped with work ! That's also the reason I started uploading - gives me motivation to get it done and something outside my degree to focus on :)
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading!! ♥


	2. Patients

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allura is injured so Lance wants to look after her - of course, he believes his own injury isn't worth the same treatment. Keith would disagree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the "mission" they're referring to is the one with Zethrid if you want - or just a rando mission, I thought that ep was kinda off so i'm just gonna skip over it anyway. Up to you! :)

Lance found Allura in the Altean control room, silhouetted against a myriad of colours splashed across the stars. Her shoulders always seemed relaxed here, the softness in her eyes never going unmissed as Lance watched her gaze out the large windows. This was a small room, rumbling with the weight of the ships engines and tucked away in a dark corner. Garrison members rarely came down here, the tech being out of sync with their biology, so it was a quiet place. Lance got the feeling Allura had an affinity to it – it being the only Altean part of the ship. He leaned up against the door frame, letting the scene wash over him before he broke it softly. ‘You were incredible out there today.’

‘Lance!’ Allura jolted, whipping around. Their eyes met, and then the shock slowly melted into something warmer. ‘Thank you.’

‘No problem, Princess.’ Lance replied. Then he added a wink just to savour another expression crossing his girlfriend’s face. Girlfriend. The word made him giddy. Before he could help himself, he hopped down the step and glided into Allura’s space, dropping a peck against her cheek and smiling at the warmth touching his lips. ‘It was just the truth.’

Allura giggled, hiding her face. She fell against his chest and the action sent warmth radiating through Lance’s body. He loved seeing this side of Allura – the relaxed one, dropping the burden of the universe for once.

‘You are too kind, Lance.’

Not true, Lance thought. Allura was. Always throwing herself into danger to protect the rest of the team. Lance’s admiration felt overwhelming and he squeezed her tightly under his arms. Instead of the expected melting of said Princess, a hiss left her lips. Lance immediately let go.

‘Are you hurt?’

‘It’s nothing.’ Allura quickly admonished. ‘A minor scratch on my upper arm. It’ll clear up soon enough.’

Lance didn’t believe her.

‘May I see?’ He asked carefully. Allura faltered, glancing away. She fidgeted with her shirt sleeve, almost as if she was shy? Lance found it strange. He let his eyes roam, trying to decipher her body language. She was wearing her Altean flight suit, hair falling in a mess across her shoulders as she tried to hide behind it. Options seemed to weigh over her eyes, the atmosphere shifting around them and Lance finally realised what was happening. His muscles drew tight, blood rushing to his face. He’d just asked her to undress. Oh God, he’d just asked Allura to undress. Without even thinking. Completely brash. The Princess of Altea. He should just launch himself out the window now. An apology was waiting to burst onto his tongue, when Allura finally looked up at him.

‘Okay.’

Okay? Okay! Everything was okay. Lance let out a whooshing breath, feeling himself shrink like a balloon in relief. Allura took a step back, reaching up and around to her spine. She tapped against the neck a few times, grip missing target and Lance’s fingers twitched at his side. He could help. Should help. Or would that be inappropriate? Would Allura disapprove? He didn’t get to decide as Allura finally caught the zip, letting out a silent breath of victory. She pulled the zip down, the fastening releasing in short successive clicks that echoed in the quiet room. Clutching the fabric to her chest, she shrugged her shoulder out from the white fabric and Lance’s breath hitched. Beautiful brown skin was unveiled, slipping over her collar bone and out across her shoulder. The orange lights of the Atlas caught every undulation of taught muscle spreading from her neck and Lance found himself staring, never having seen this much of his girlfriend before. She was gorgeous.

Without thinking, Lance brushed her hair back over her shoulder to get a better look and Allura gasped. He suddenly stilled. Was that okay? Was he being too forceful? This whole thing was so new, he could be overstepping boundaries. Lance was always putting his foot in it around Allura. He needed to control his behaviour. He should focus on the matter at hand. Muttering an apology, he stared hard at her arm. Time to play doctor, he thought, before quickly changing his mind to biologist. Much safer, way less kinky - didn’t have his cheeks flaming at the thought. Steadying his breaths, Lance tried to slow his heart as he slid his hand along soft skin. His fingers curled around her elbow before he finally looked at the injury.

Lance took in a sharp breath. It was more than a scratch crossing her dark skin. He’d describe it as an angry gash cut across clean flesh. He squeezed her elbow, gaining her attention.

‘This needs treating.’ He said firmly, looking straight into wide blue eyes, ‘may I?’

Allura bit her lip but after a brief pause, she nodded shakily.

~*~

Lance had slipped his hand into Allura’s to lead her to the med bay, trying to keep a comforting presence whilst not worrying about how sweaty his palm was. Sitting her on the bench, he frowned when the clinical mattress barely dipped with the weight, the sheets pulled so tight they didn’t even crease. That couldn’t have been comforting. Lance threw her a sheepish smile, hoping to offset the harsh environment before he set to work. Why were hospital rooms always so unsettling? His mother always told him they were places of healing, but Lance could never shake the scent of death from his mind. Kneeling down, he distracted himself by digging through the cupboards lining the walls, on the lookout for antiseptic wipes and bandages.

‘Did you get injured during the battle?’ Allura asked behind him, legs swinging back and forth as she gazed around the unfamiliar room. The Atlas didn’t have healing pods – and Lance had no doubt that Allura had never needed to treat an injury manually before, so this must have been a new experience for her. Was she nervous? He jumped back up, dropping his armful of supplies onto the bench to eagerly put aside her worries.

‘Nope! Fit as a fiddle!’

Fit as a fiddle may have been an exaggeration – Lance had several bruises dotting his torso and a burn mark on his leg that probably shouldn’t go untreated. But Allura was more important. And he didn’t want to give her anything extra to concern herself over. Plus, now he knew where the supplies were kept, sneaking back later wouldn’t be an issue.

‘Now this may sting.’

He pressed the soaked cotton wool against Allura’s arm and she let out a hiss through her teeth.

‘Sorry.’ He whispered, quickly taking the cloth away again. Allura shook her head.

‘No, it’s fine. It’s supposed to hurt, right?’

She was smiling up at him, quirk of encouragement in her brow. Lance cursed himself for having turned the situation back on himself.

‘Yeah. But you’re new to this,’ He explained, hoping to set right just who the patient was supposed to be in that moment, ‘stop me if it’s too much.’

‘Lance.’

Allura’s tone made him look up. Commanding but kind. Her eyes were soft on his, a hint of amusement sparkling in the blue. She reached up to cup his cheek, smile pulling against her own, ‘don’t be so nervous. I’m fine.’

Lance nodded. Of course she was. She was the Princess of Altea for Christ sake – stronger than any army. Why was he doubting her? His stomach twisted uncomfortably. What kind of boyfriend was he?

Swallowing down his thoughts, he plastered on a reassuring smile. ‘Okay then.’

Focussing on wrapping the wound he tried to ignore the weight pulling on his gut.

~*~

Long after the ship had dimmed its lights, Lance was disappointed to find the cupboards empty of burn cream. Having even crawled to the back of the corner one, tipping boxes upon boxes of plasters out onto the tiles, his search turned out to be futile. With a huff, he shoved the items back into the space, replacement much more haphazard than necessary. He had to force the doors closed against bulging boxes, slamming the wood shut and feeling it give as if set against a squashed spring.  That would be a fun explosion for the next user. Lance hoped it would be Keith. Maybe he could set up a camera somewhere just in case?

Lance turned to see if there were any good hiding places behind him - a decent flower pot would be a good shout - when a burst of pain erupted through his leg. His open wound had caught painfully on the rough fabric of his jeans and he let out a surprised shout at the sting. His leg jerked off the ground and he quickly hugged it to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut against a rush of water. He really needed to treat this wound. It seemed to be getting worse.

With a sigh, Lance clambered to his feet. There was always one person on this ship he could rely upon getting injured who probably had some sort of personal first aid kit. And they did suffer many burns by Lance’s hands.

~*~

‘Hey, Keith?’

Lance knocked on the open door of the training room. It was far too late to be there, and Keith really should be relaxing, but Lance was willing to let that slip in exchange for medicine. He was barely able to ignore the throbbing now.

Keith swiped a hand across his forehead, sword in his hand fizzling back into dagger form as he stood to attention, ‘yeah?’

‘You got any burn cream?’ Lance tried for a light tone, downplaying his pain as if he was merely curious. It didn’t work as Keith’s face was immediately overtaken with a frown and he crossed the room, aiming it at Lance.

‘You got hurt?’

Lance rolled his eyes.

‘No, I just like the taste.’

Keith’s face took on a wave of confusion at the joke. He cocked his head to side and Lance was hit with a wave of familiarity. Kosmo. Keith looked just like his space wolf right now. Lance could practically feel the question marks radiating off him as if he’d thrown a ball for the dog who didn’t understand fetch. It was strangely endearing. Lance felt his lips quiver. But when the furrow in Keith’s brow buried deeper, he quickly shook away the thoughts. ‘Yes! I got hurt. I was just kidding about the whole taste thing.’

‘Oh.’ Keith ducked his head, avoiding Lance’s gaze. And if he wasn’t mistaken, a faint blush seemed to be dusting the red paladins’ cheeks. Lance’s chest squeezed tightly, and his lips widened without permission.

‘You’re du-umb,’ he sang. It was childish, completely unnecessary and one-hundred percent unhelpful. But Lance couldn’t seem to resist. Keith reacted immediately, throwing a fierce glare at the other. It would be scary if it weren’t for the red glow surrounding it. Lance laughed now, completely unashamed. Keith was so easy to rile up. And he did it so well, reacting quickly, dramatically and with promise of a later counter strike. Lance couldn’t help taking advantage of absolute gold. Besides, it was his right, as one of the very few people close enough to Keith to not be on the receiving end of murder, to tease him. And as Lance’s laughter trailed off, Keith finished a classic eye roll, but Lance spotted the glimmer of amusement there too. And that was the real win if Lance was being honest. Because if not getting murdered was rare, then witnessing joy was nigh-on impossible. Lance couldn’t help but preen at the thought that he did. It was nice to get the tense arch out of their leader’s shoulders.

‘So you’re injured?’ Keith prompted, leaning into his hip and fixing Lance with a look.

‘It’s really not that bad!’ Lance assured quickly. But as Keith continued to stare, he let his head drop in defeat. ‘I got too close to one of the steam vents on that last mission. Got a burn on my leg.’

Keith shook his head in disapproval.

‘Come on,’ he said, hint of a smirk against his lips, ‘there’s a first aid kit in the training room cupboard.’

‘There’s a training room cupboard?’

Keith shot his head back so quickly it could have ripped off his neck. Lance couldn’t even begin to try holding his deadpan as he witnessed the full scope of unrefined shock slapped across their leader’s face. He snorted. Then laughter was tumbling from his lips, unrestrained.

‘No no, I did know that.’ He managed between laughs, ‘despite what you think I do actually train.’

Keith rolled his eyes but there was a smile there too.

‘Oh, I don’t doubt that you train,’ He said, continuing their trek to the back wall ‘you don’t get that good without proper training.’

Lance tripped over thin air. Had Keith just said he was good? No wait, he said he was _that_ good. That implied he was impressed. Was Keith impressed by him? Was Lance impressive? His insides went warm with the idea, folding like cake batter. In his elation he nearly missed Keith’s following dig.

‘I just doubt you bother tidying up.’

The bubble popped. Lance let out an offended noise, forgetting his previous elation. He struggled to put together a lie about just how untrue that was until Keith threw him a dangerous smirk that had Lance burning from the inside out and even more desperate to wipe it off his face. Unfortunately, that wasn’t conducive to finding any more of a comeback other than a strangled screech.

They arrived at their destination, and Keith pulled the cupboard open smugly. Flicking through the contents smugly he lifted a out small white tub smugly. He passed it over all smugly and Lance threw his hand over it, readying his offence. But before he could begin, Keith caught his hand.

‘Seriously though-’

God his expression was so intense. It didn’t leave any room for Lance to catch respite. All he could do was nod for Keith to continue, staring at the dark eyes locked on his.

‘It’s not serious is it?’

Lance shook his head and that warm feeling was creeping back into his stomach again. ‘It’s fine. Really.’

Keith searched his eyes for what felt like forever. It was as if he could see the inner workings of Lance’s mind but the weird part was that Lance wasn’t totally against it. In fact, it gave him a moment to look into Keith’s. There was wild passion surrounding his dark, almost black irises – untamed energy ready to explode. But they were also steady, holding Lance to his place. And well-meaning. But before Lance could decipher any further, Keith was closing them, nodding to himself. Turning away, he seemed satisfied with Lance’s response - as he should be Lance had poured a whole barrel full of sincerity into that statement. But Lance stayed still for a second longer. Keith cared. The thought echoed through his mind. It was nice. Made his skin feel like it was trapping bubbles. He couldn’t quite bring himself to leave the moment so soon.

Keith smiled at him then. A small thing, easy to miss but not to someone who knew how rare it was. And it made Lance’s heart stutter strangely.

‘Go fix yourself up,’ Keith commanded before adding a sly, ‘sharpshooter.’

Lance grinned.

‘On your orders team leader!’

He raised a small two fingered salute to his forehead, making Keith laugh at the gesture. The sight had Lance’s chest blooming. Despite his injury he practically bounced back to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't do subtlety lmao
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	3. Hair Salon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance does Keith's hair.

Meetings on the Atlas were busy, formal affairs. A long table sat all the important personnel, most of which Allura could count her conversations with on one hand. She was glad to have the paladins by her side, they reminded her of her purpose, the place she served in all this chaos. Shiro headed the meetings, allowing everyone to speak in turn and maintaining order. Allura decided he did very well. He was able to keep talks on task but never rushed through points. He turned to Allura kindly, speaking coolly.

‘And the Alteans?’

Allura sucked in a breath. The Alteans. They’d warmed up a lot since they’d first arrived, but Allura could hardly say she’d made progress. It wasn’t like talking to the members of court of old. They’d been through a lot, minds harrowed with the abuse they’d taken from Haggar – the lies they’d been told, the promises of freedom they’d been given by… She didn’t finish the thought, boxing it up and pushing it deep in the caverns of her mind.

‘Still a little hostile.’ She said, putting on a smile for the room, ‘however, since treatment, they’ve been slowly opening up about their experiences.’

Shiro nodded. The treatment. Once Allura had saved Tavos’ life, she’d removed something from within him. It was darkness incarnate - whispers in a smoky shadow. Just it’s presence could make you feel cold, like your mind was being pulled part and rearranged. She shivered at the thought.

‘Pidge, is there any more information on the…’ Shiro drifted off, not as if he’d forgotten his words, more that he needed the right one. He seemed to settle, eyes flicking to Allura before he addressed Pidge once again, ‘essence we removed? Have we discovered anything from it?’

Essence. That was a good way to put it. Allura was once again impressed by Shiro’s tact. He said what needed to be said but never trod on landmines. Maybe she should take notes?

‘Not yet,’ Pidge said with a grimace, ‘Coran and I are gonna keep running tests though. Currently the substance is undertaking several tests using electromagnetic scanners. We’ll update you when we’re done.’

‘Great.’ Shiro announced. Progress was slow, but it was still happening. Allura found it relaxed her, knowing an answer was just around the corner. She wanted to ask more about the tests, when Shiro continued.

‘And Hunk, have there been any signs of Haggar?’

‘Well…’

Allura found her heart beating a little faster. Haggar. She was the reason they were here, the reason Alteans were in danger. It made her blood run cold and she squeezed her hands against her knees, bracing for the worst.

‘There’s been rumoured sightings. Brief appearances, like rips in time. But nothing concrete. It’s like she’s hopping from place to place.’

‘Is there a pattern?’ Shiro asked, taking the words straight from Allura’s mouth.

Hunk shook his head. ‘I’m keeping a record of all sightings, but so far we’ve got nothing.’

Allura frowned at the table. Nothing. Were they really getting anywhere at all? Allura was falling into a pit when a hand squeezed against hers. Lance. She glanced up to find him looking at her, wearing that lopsided smile he always wore. It was nice, warmed her stomach, so Allura gave a pinched one back. She couldn’t give a proper one, thoughts of Haggar still skittering around her mind like ghosts, but if she focused on his and the touch of their fingers combined, she felt the lightness scare them away.

‘That’s alright.’ Shiro said smoothly over the ringing in Allura’s head. ‘Keep up the good work, we may still find something yet. Other than that, are there any issues that haven’t been raised this meeting?’

Around the room were several shaking heads and shared glances.

‘Good. Then meeting adjourned.’

And just like that the room was buzzing once more. Chairs scraped against the floor, papers flapped against the table and then people were filtering out the room. Allura took a moment to relax back in her chair. Hunk and Pidge were springing to their feet, keen to continue their work no doubt. Keith muttered something about training before removing himself too. Shiro was tapping his papers against the table top, nodding to several crew members.

‘Shirogane,’ Iverson stepped up to the man in question, ‘could you come up to the control deck, we need confirmation on our defence plan before we head into the next asteroid field.’

‘Oh!’ Veronica leaned back over the table from where she was about to leave, ‘and while you’re there, can we do a weapons drill as well? I think I knocked out my cannon last battle.’

Shiro nodded to the both of them. ‘I’ll meet you up there.’

Iverson saluted, heading to the door whilst Veronica grinned, an action somewhat reflective of Lance’s before she joined him too. It was nice, seeing them in the same room. After meeting Lance’s family, Allura truly saw how close they were, how dear those people were to him. They clearly played a big role in his life. She looked over to him then, finding the boy sliding back in his chair and watching Shiro closely.

‘How’s it going being the most popular man on the ship?’

Shiro shook his head, but he was clearly fighting a smirk – and a blush.

‘I don’t know about that.’

Lance sat up like a spark, ‘I’d beg to differ! Everyone wants a piece of you!’

Shiro was in fact blushing now, but his eyes were crinkling at the corners. ‘You mean everyone’s got work for me.’

Lance grinned, bouncing a little in his seat. He liked teasing people. But Allura could see now, it wasn’t malicious – more complimentary if anything. He was bolstering Shiro’s ego, just to see him smile. The only possible mal-intent was the selfish kick he seemed to get out of it as he glowed back at the man.

‘Nah, you love it.’

Shiro sighed. ‘I don’t mind helping out. But a break would be nice.’

Lance laughed loudly, flopping back in his chair. Allura found the words too distracting to join in. Shiro wanted a break? She had never considered the man might feel overworked. He just got on with everything so well, smile always attached to his lips she figured he was fine. Maybe Allura wasn’t as in tune with her fellow paladin as she once thought?

‘Ahh, don’t worry,’ Lance was speaking again, throwing his feet up on the desk and head back in his hands, ‘five years’ time, you’ll be on Varadero, sipping on cocktails and laughing about the fact you have no responsibilities in life.’

His eyes slipped shut as he seemed to disappear to the day itself, sunning himself under a blue sky.

‘I’m holding you to that.’ Shiro said with a laugh, squeezing around the two to get to the door.

‘I’m counting on it,’ Lance called after him, ‘need to get me down there too!’

Allura watched with amusement as Lance slid further down in his chair, blissed out on the thought.

‘Is that your dream?’ She asked, ‘for when this is all over.’

Lance peeked an eye open, looking over to her with curiosity.

‘Yeah.’ He said, before turning to her fully, ‘don’t worry, you’ll be there too.’

Then he leaned in to press a quick peck to her nose. It tickled, making her giggle and he sat back with a proud smile. She thought about his dream. Lying on an Earthen beach, no responsibilities? She hadn’t really considered it and let out a hum.

‘You don’t want to be?’ Lance asked, leaning in closer again. His brows seemed to twitch, mouth set in a worried frown. Guilt trickled into Allura’s stomach. She hadn’t given much consideration to the future, not since… No. The box would stay firmly shut.

‘I don’t know.’ She said honestly, ‘I guess I always imagined myself rebuilding Altea.’

It would be no mean feat. A whole people, a whole planet. And with the current Alteans not wonderfully keen on her, Allura almost doubted its possibility at all. But she still dreamed of it. To preserve their culture, it’s all she’d ever wanted – its what she was raised to do. As a member of Royalty, she would uphold tradition, learn what was most important to her people and make sure they were satisfied too. That was a responsibility she wanted to uphold. If in five years’ time, she didn’t have that, could she say she was truly happy?

‘With me by your side?’ Lance urged. He wore a worried kind of hope in his eyes, that made Allura’s stomach twist awkwardly. It’s not quite what she had in mind, in all truth. There was someone else stood there, no matter how hard she tried to close the box, he still shone. She bit her lip.

‘Shall we go for a walk?’ She asked. When Lance didn’t reply she threw him a smile getting to her feet. She needed to get rid of this restless energy. And Lance always seemed to like their walks. Plus, his endless chatter soothed the fullness in her head. After a moment, she held out her hand and he took it with a grin, all the worry sliding away.

‘Sure.’

~*~

Keith stumbled back to his room, rubbing a towel roughly over his head and shuddering as cold water splashed onto his shoulders. Why would they design their rooms so far from the showers? Keith would be having words with Sam about this. Well, only in his mind. But the words would be just as strong. Pressing the button for his bedroom door, he jogged up and down on the spot, willing the cold to run from his veins. He was fully dressed, but his hair retained cold like a fridge and he couldn’t wait to blast the hair dryer through it.

The door whooshed open and Keith immediately stepped inside. Something crunched under his foot and he paused mid step. Beneath his toes was a piece of paper. It was soft around the edge like it had been poorly ripped from a notepad and scrawled with both black and red ink. Keith crouched down to pick it up.

In black, it read: ‘dear Keith, your presence is requested promptly at room 205.’

And then in red: ‘come if you wish for your friends to LIVE!!!!!!!!!’

Keith swallowed thickly. A death threat. And if the number of exclamation marks were anything to go by, it was a serious one. The paper crumpled in his fist as he stood back up. Reaching around he felt the cool metal of his knife strapped to his back, a firm, reassuring presence. Room 205 it was.

~*~

Keith found the door to room 205 was a looming one. Arching at the top, it met in the middle with two horse-shoe shaped handles. Keith took a deep breath. Taking his knife in his hand, he counted.

One. His hand was on the door.

Two. He pressed forward wincing at the coffin-like creaking.

Three. He stepped inside.

~*~

‘Was that a scream?’

More like a blood-curdling shriek, Lance thought. His whole body shivered and he unconsciously squeezed Allura’s hand tighter. ‘It sounded like Keith.’

In a second, the two were running, reaching for their Bayards in practiced synchronisation. Winding around dimly lit hallways, Lance clattered after Allura whipping his head around every doorway. The corridors were unfamiliar this side of the castle – it mostly belonged to Garrison personnel as the paladins kept a wing to the East. It made searching that much more difficult. Why would Keith even be here? Lance’s dug his fingers into his Bayard, silently cursing the mysterious paladin.

Allura stopped ahead, but Lance’s momentum had him slamming straight into her back.

‘Sorry!’ He spluttered and the two stumbled forward. Allura didn’t respond, brushing down her suit as she righted herself. Lance swallowed thickly. Was that a good or bad sign?

‘He must be here.’ Allura announced, nodding forward. Lance looked up to find they’d hit the end of the hallway. A large gothic-style door towered before them, hiding the room beyond. If there was movement inside, it’s cold metal probably blocked all evidence of it. The two approached carefully.

Meeting Allura’s eye, Lance put up three fingers. She nodded, lifting her Bayard and he began counting down.

Three, he took a deep breath.

Two, his back was against the door.

One, his Bayard was engaged.

And as the last finger downed, he balled his hand into a fist and shoved hard against the door. It gave easily and the two burst into the room. Weapons pulled high they stood tall, blocking the exit as their eyes landed on the scene set out in front of them. Lance’s gun immediately fizzled out of life.

‘What the hell guys?’

In front of him, Keith was sat cross-legged on the floor, face of resignation. His hair swished through the air around him, fringe fluffy over his forehead. Kinkade drew strands between his fingers, fluttering a hair dryer across them, expression serene as if no longer aware of anything but the task at hand. Rizavi was stood behind him, arms crossed, and no longer watching the show. Instead her head was tilted in confusion at the Keith defence squad who’d burst right into an apparent hair salon.

‘We heard a scream?’ Allura prompted, voice a little off kilter with her obvious surprise.

‘Because they attacked me.’ Keith pouted, wincing as the movement ripped his hair from Kinkade’s grip.

‘Yeah, you look like you’re in real danger here.’ Lance responded flatly. Kinkade finally switched off the hair dryer, and Keith was free to yell in all his grumpy glory.

‘They sent me a death threat!’

Lance let a single eye brow raise, fighting a smirk. Keith playing hair-dressers with the MFE’s was new and definitely tease-worthy. Before he could though, a deep yet calm voice was speaking.

‘I told you not to write that.’

Kinkade was looking at Rizavi who refused to show any signs of guilt. ‘Come on! Like he would have come without it!?’

‘Might’ve.’ Keith mumbled, more to himself than anything, but Rizavi definitely picked it up.

 ‘Wha-!?’ The girl squeaked. ‘Why!?’

Keith finally looked up then, and something about his expression had Lance gripped. It was open, yet defiant. And his voice reflected the sentiment. ‘It was polite.’

Rizavi was struck, bubbling with a hundred different emotions but Keith paid it no mind. Instead, he looked up to Kinkade, wearing a quiet kind of respect. The other reflected the expression right back and the two shared a nod. Lance felt it’s power like a gong ringing through the room. The action exuded the strength of ten thousand suns exploding all at once. It was entrancing yet too pure to look at head on. Lance was almost too absorbed by the moment to hear Allura’s voice break through.

‘So, nobody’s hurt?’

Ah, the important question. Lance slammed back to reality, landing back in the strange world he’d walked into having nearly forgotten the reason they were even here.

The three shook their heads.

‘Alright.’ Allura said, putting her Bayard away. At the same time she began turning away, Lance took wide step forward.

‘Then what is going on here?’ He asked, eyeing the group suspiciously. Keith avoided his gaze.

‘Kinkade can do braids and I can’t!’ Rizavi burst out, ‘he doesn’t even have hair!’

The boy shrugged, seemingly unaffected by her insult to his hair that Lance very much admired, ‘I used to do my little sisters back home.’

Lance nodded before a smirk pulled against his cheek. Keith was glaring holes in the floor and Lance lapped it up. ‘So, you needed a Guinea pig.’

‘Exactly!’

Lance just knew Keith’s hair would get him into trouble eventually. ‘I want in.’

Three “what!?”’s of varying pitch echoed through the room, but Lance paid them no mind watching as Keith’s face exploded with shock, eyes and mouth wide as he stared. Lance walked forward to shove a hand through Keith’s still damp hair, intent on messing it up but stopped short. He was surprised to find it silky, releasing a burst of fresh, minty scent that tugged Lance in. He nearly forgot to explain himself, as he found himself relishing in the feeling of smooth strands falling between his fingers and the fragrance smothering his senses. When he realised what he was doing, he cleared his throat.

‘I miss plaiting my niece’s hair.’ He said, hand still in Keith’s mess. He remembered those Sunday nights, when the kids would want baths and bubbles before bed. They’d get into their pyjama’s and Nadia would crawl into his lap demanding a French braid. “Like the ones you do on papi!” she’d cry, stamping on Lance’s shins and making him wince. He pulled her down, and combed her hair whilst laughing because Luis absolutely hated those pictures of him and Nadia would never let them go. Rachel and Lance were truly a dream team as kids - tackling a large, teenage Luis to the floor just to take that unruly locks for themselves. Lance smiled at the thought. ‘And my brother’s. Back when he still wore it long.’

The three remained quiet before Rizavi finally relented. ‘Fine, you can do it. Just as long as you talk me through every step.’

‘Of course!’ Lance replied brightly, shifting around to Keith’s back.

‘This okay with you?’ He asked, looking over to Kinkade. The other gave him a grunt of affirmation. At the same time a poor, unfortunate soul found his voice.

‘I guess.’

Lance snorted. Leaning over Keith’s shoulder he gave a sharp tug to the hair, ‘wasn’t talking to you, mullet.’

‘IT’S MY HAIR!’

Lance just threw his head back, laughter gripping his stomach and exploding from his lungs. It was so sweet that Keith actually thought he had a choice.

‘Should I continue drying it?’ Kinkade asked, waving the hairdryer in the air. Lance shook his head.

‘Nah. It’ll be easier to show you while it’s damp.’

Lance combed his fingers through Keith’s hair, letting his nails scrape along his scalp. Despite earlier protest, Keith seemed to be melting, shoulders slipping out from where they hid below his ears. And Lance maybe revelled in it a little more than what was acceptable. It wasn’t his fault their leader had a habit of hoarding his stress like a squirrel gripping an acorn.

 ‘So,’ Lance finally began explaining, letting his hands rest on the sides of Keith’s head, ‘you want the hair to have as few knots as possible when you start.’

Keith twitched below him, and Lance glanced down at the subtle movement. Was that a silent protest against the loss of movement? Lance smirked to himself. Keith _liked_ having his hair played with. Despite the gruff facade, he was having fun. Without another word, Lance began swirling his thumbs in gentle circles at the base of his head. Keith immediately slackened, a low hum spilling from his throat, no doubt an accident. Lance felt it warm through him like golden sunlight. He soaked it up a second longer, a moment of self-indulgence. Then he turned to Rizavi once again, not wanting to draw attention to Keith’s obvious pleasure and spare his bad-boy reputation.

‘You need to split the hair into three even sections.’ Lance explained and did as much. The girl nodded next to him, lips pulled tight in concentration.

‘And then you just cross each into the middle, one at a time, until you’re done.’

Lance then slowly began to plait Keith’s black hair, trying not to lament too much on the smell of tea tree that wafted with every turn of locks. A far away feeling in his mind wanted to bury his face in it. Lance quickly threw his thoughts of braiding over it. That would do absolutely no good. Keith may be enjoying himself, but it was begrudgingly, and Lance couldn’t afford to scare him off when he was finally taking time to relax. After a minute of twisting, a short plait lay heavy on the back of Keith’s neck and Lance wasn’t afraid to say he was satisfied with the outcome. Rizavi leant in to inspect the work, absently pushing his glasses up against the wrinkle in her nose.

‘Amazing.’ She breathed. Lance felt his cheeks glow and he happily sat back on his heels.

‘I didn’t know you could do hair.’

Lance jolted at Allura’s voice. He’d forgotten she had entered the room with him, having watched everything from the door. He squeezed his fists into his thighs, palms suddenly filled with sweat. How could he forget his own girlfriend? No wonder she couldn’t imagine a life with him. Allura tilted forward to smile at him. Lance tried to mirror it but it fell short and Allura’s slipped into a frown. She turned to Rizavi.

‘Would you like to practice on mine?’

Rizavi practically jumped in excitement. ‘Yes! Of course! Please, Princess, have a seat!’

‘That’s pretty brave.’ Keith whispered, nudging her as she sat down. The princess let out a small laugh.

‘I’m sure Rizavi will do fine. And if not, Kinkade and Lance are here.’

‘You’re right.’ Keith responded, before turning a wicked smirk on Lance, ‘Kinkade’s here. It’ll be fine.’

Outrageous. Lance couldn’t contain his offense as it burst out in random noises, probably at a pitch higher than necessary. He tugged sharply on the plait. ‘I’ll have you know this is some of my best work.’

The smirk grew dangerous, and Lance got the feeling he’d stepped on a landmine. Then it flattened out, almost innocent until he noticed the eyebrow slip up to level “judging you”, indicating Lance’s foot had left the trigger

‘I don’t doubt that.’

Goddamn him. Keith burst into laughter. Lance’s sheer offense must have been a picture on his face because Keith’s deadpan usually lasted longer. But here they were, Keith rolling his head to the side as his face sparkled with the sound, mouth wide, eyes squeezed closed. Clearly his muscles were falling weak to the power of it as he leaned heavily to his side, mirth refusing to subside. Lance gave it hand, shoving him over.

‘Right Rizavi.’ He said, ignoring the noise on the floor beside him, ‘you ready?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mammoth of a chapter!! It's because I wanted to get some plot in but I also wanted some fluff before the heavy stuff got going, I just hope I'm not going too slowly!! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!~


	4. Modulation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allura and Pidge bond in Colleen's lab. Colleen tells them the story of how her and Sam met!

Allura stepped into the lab. It was darker in here, small disc lights hanging over the benches instead of the large bars adorning most of the ship. Allura still didn’t feel comfortable calling the Atlas home. The castle - her castle - was full of light, every corridor worn in by the hundreds of pairs of shoes that had walked them before. This place had barely seen its first crew.

Letting her hand sweep across the edge of the bench closest to her, Allura felt cold metal beneath her finger tips, not even a scratch poking back at her touch. No sign of any predecessors, no guardians of old there to guide them. She sighed.

‘Allura?’

At the sound of her name, Allura spun around. Pidge was at the end of the bench, blinking owlishly at her, still hunched over the work top with a wrinkle squidged on her nose as if mid sniff. Allura found herself staring back with equal surprise. She had assumed she was alone. At the lengthening silence, Pidge seemed to come to herself and shuffled down the bench, clip board in hand as she dodged some of the more eager plants who’s leaves scrambled into the aisle.

‘You alright?’

Allura faltered as Pidge landed in front on her, large blinking eyes in full bloom. The girl seemed to analyse her as if she were one of the experiments, but Allura couldn’t exactly blame her. This wasn’t one of her typical haunts. In fact, it may be the first time Allura had come to Colleen’s biochemical lab.

Many of the Garrison members swooned over it - often taking their breaks to wander among the flowers. They compared it to an upmarket garden centre, a look of nostalgia softening their eyes, and the rumours had intrigued Allura before. However, it was Shiro who really swayed her. The man could often be found hiding amongst the greenery. He told Allura over lunch about the streams of water passing under the benches and falling in waterfalls through the pipes, aqueducts feeding directly into the roots of the plants. He seemed awed by the set-up, saying the fountains reminded him of his grandmother’s garden back home. Apparently, she had a small pond with water trickling down a moss-covered wall through flower pots and metal slides – depositing the liquid back into the frogs’ home where the cycle would resume. It seemed the man had developed a soft spot for the lab and Allura was more than happy to listen to his whims. That was one good thing about the Atlas - the nostalgia Allura had lost, the humans had gained and all the tiny details they added to the ship made it feel alive. That was something the castle had lost that eons ago.

‘Sorry,’ Allura finally spoke, voice feeling a little foreign, ‘I know I don’t come down here often.’

‘It’s cool,’ Pidge interrupted quickly, ‘we could always do with the company.’

She smiled, off handed shrug in her shoulders and it made Allura’s feel that bit lighter. Pidge glanced down at her clipboard, fiddling with her glasses before looking back up, ‘you wanna help monitoring?’

‘Of course.’

Allura wasn’t sure what monitoring involved but it was a welcome distraction all the same. Rounding the bench, she peered over Pidge’s shoulder to see an electronic list glowing back at them.

‘All we do is check each plant for the stuff here, note down anything interesting and then move on to the next.’

Allura nodded before they were walking back to where Pidge had been working only moments before. The plant in front of them had silvery leaves that drooped at the ends and the red stems were adorned with spikes. Pidge picked up one of the leaves to look at the underside before mumbling something about pink veins and ticking a box. Allura checked the list before having a look for any lilac buds and finding none.

‘So how are you finding life on the Atlas?’ Pidge asked, nose-deep in a fern.

‘Oh, it’s uhh...’ Allura struggled to land on the right word, ‘fine.’

Pidge raised an eyebrow, ‘I’m guessing the crew is a lot larger than you’re used to.’

‘Well...’ Allura sighed as she thought back to the castle. Their make shift crew of four humans, two Alteans and a mixed-heritage Galra seemed something of nostalgia now. They’d had rocky moments but, against it all, the group really had blended well as a team. And she’d be lying if she said she didn’t miss the ease of having a smaller group to answer to.

Pidge interrupted her thought. ‘Don’t worry I miss the castle too.’

Was Allura that obvious? Pidge just laughed.

‘I know, sounds crazy. I mean I have my whole family back here.’ The girl turned around to lean against the work bench, eyes glazing as she looked to the ceiling, ‘But I dunno, there was something about our tiny little space family.’

Allura smiled, ‘we did have some fun didn’t we?’

Pidge grinned at that, turning to face the other, ‘remember when you tried to bond with me about being girls and I just started talking about peanuts?’

Allura remembered that well, mostly the feeling of utter confusion as Pidge just kept talking of this foreign food that Allura couldn’t even begin to imagine. Was it a spice? Goo? Genetically engineered plant? The worst part was Allura had no idea how to stop her Pidge rambling and her own growing curiosity of the nut of pea had very nearly overtaken her excitement in finally having another girl to talk to. It was such a strange distraction to have become swallowed up in that Allura had to stifle a laugh at the thought. ‘Yes. Seems neither of us were quite in tune with the other at that point.’

Pidge shook her head. ‘Really though. I’m so glad I didn’t leave that day.’

Allura warmed at the words. She was so grateful to the paladins for staying - and maybe it was selfish but even if the universe wasn’t at risk, she’d still think the same thing. She found herself talking before she even realised, ‘I’m really glad it was you five who found the Blue Lion. I can’t imagine a better group to have shared those final months in the Castle with.’

Allura saddened at the thought. The Castle was gone - all their time spent there over. Now everything was so different. The lions were far from the hangars they were built, Allura far from her childhood home. Their experiences were mere memories now.

‘Hey.’

Allura jolted at Pidge’s hand falling on her shoulder. How long had she been thinking for? Pidge squeezed the spot and Allura finally tore herself away from the darker shadows of her mind.

‘We’re still here. It might not be the same ship but we’re the same people. We’re not going anywhere anytime soon.’

Pidge’s expression was soft, eyes crinkling at the corners as her eyebrows left them open. Allura’s heart tightened. They were all here. Maybe it wasn’t the same, but it wasn’t all that different either. It did no good wallowing in the past when there were so many more memories to make. Taking a deep breath, Allura let the earthy smell of soil fill her lungs. The sensation was unfamiliar, especially on a ship, but it wasn’t terrible. In fact, as her chest expanded, a feeling of ease spread from her lungs into her arms and her legs and all the way out to her little toes. With everything so new, she felt the tingle of anticipation flow through her blood. But it wasn’t fear anymore. It was excitement. She could see good things in their future if she just kept her head held high.

‘Thank you Pidge.’ She said, feet set more firmly against the ground, ‘I think I needed to hear that.’

‘No probs!’ Pidge shrugged, hopping down from the bench. ‘Now we’ve really got to get on with this before mom-‘

Pidge’s words cut short as she tripped over her own feet. Colleen was stood at the end of the aisle, like a guardian of hell, arms folded across her chest, orange lights casting her into a fiery shadow.

‘Before mom whats?’

Allura could practically hear the thunder crashing around them. Pidge remained frozen to the spot.

‘Nothing!’ She squeaked. Then she was scurrying up to the next plant like a gerbil caught stealing a seed.

Colleen smirked, ‘that’s what I thought.’

She walked down the aisle to join them, Pidge getting a short jibe of ‘more like loses her shit,’ under her breath before she could arrive.

‘Allura, it’s lovely to see you.’

‘You too Colleen.’ Allura said, bowing her head politely. Colleen was always kind and considerate, an expert in her field, but she was also, ever so slightly, terrifying. She was a ruthless ruler when she wanted to be - something Pidge had definitely picked up. Though Allura knew better than to mention that - Pidge being adamant the two were nothing alike.

‘Heard you got yourself a fella.’ Colleen continued, bumping Allura’s hip. Allura stumbled, frowning at the floor. Fella? Her brain struggled to attach a meaning to the word. Pidge snorted, ripping Allura back from her efforts. The girl was looking up at her with sparkling eyes, barely holding off a laugh, ‘she means Lance.’

Oh. Allura felt her cheeks burst with heat. Clearing her throat, she tried to maintain grace, ‘Uhh yes. Lance is my... fella.’

Colleen smiled at her, in an almost knowing manner, before sighing to herself. ‘Reminds me of when I first met my husband.’

‘Oh?’ Allura said, thankful for the distraction, ‘how did the two of you first meet?’

Colleen let out a short laugh and Pidge groaned.

‘Modulation.’ They said together, one voice in humour the other dripping with exasperation. Allura didn’t have time to comment as Colleen launched into the story.

‘We were working in the same lab at the time.’ She began, stepping back to lean against the bench, resting her clip board flat against her stomach. ‘Sam usually had one of his friends check over his work - get a second opinion on his code and all that. But his friend, also a friend of mine at the time, fell ill one afternoon. I offered to take on his work, so he could go home and rest, and Sam’s code just so happened to be in there. I went through it, made a few notes and then sent it back explaining what had happened. Five minutes later I find myself in a very heated argument over the different ways to modulate.’

She laughed, shaking her head at the memory. ‘Of course, Sam didn’t listen to me, ignoring the fact that single would mean a much more adaptable code and the security of double just wasn’t necessary for his level of work. He decided to stick firmly with double, and I decided that I couldn’t stand him.’

Colleen was rolling her eyes in a fond manner and Allura found herself leaning in closer. ‘You didn’t like each other?’

Colleen shook her head, leaving Allura with yet more questions. They were left unasked as Colleen continued the story.

‘I spent the next week watching him labour over all the changes his boss had given him, thinking if he had just single modulated it would have taken half the time. I mean I’ve never seen so many coffee cups covering a desk before. It was one hellish week for him and I honestly felt so smug. Served him right for not listening to me.’

Colleen had an air of defiance as she ended the speech, like the triumph was still fresh in her mind. Allura just felt more confused. But Colleen’s expression soon softened, eyes glazed over, and it was clear there was something underlining it all. ‘But at the end, when he was all finished up, I came to my desk and there, sitting in the middle, was a pot of these pretty yellow flowers. They were the kind I loved, with little round petals and lilac stamens. I even had a coat with the exact pattern. Sam had probably seen me wear it.’

She paused for a moment, reaching for a ring hung on a delicate chain around her neck. Allura remembered Lance mentioning that. A wedding ring – a symbol of endless love. The sight made Allura’s heart squeeze. Even apart, Colleen could feel close to her husband. Just a simple action and the love between the two of them was radiating from Colleen like a sun. And Sam wasn’t even there. It was almost too much and Allura had to avert her gaze. When Colleen spoke again, her voice was lighter, almost wavering as a smile pulled against her lips. ‘And there was this little card poking out the top. It said, “you were right. I should have double modulated.” And I just thought it was sweetest thing. Somehow, in all his stress, Sam had found the time to buy me flowers. Well, I went straight over to his desk and asked him out to dinner there and then.’

She laughed again, Pidge gagging somewhere in the background but Allura was too wrapped up to notice.

‘I’ll never forget his face - bright red, shining eyes, mouth completely incapable of movement. He could barely make a sentence. But I did get a yes.’

The smile on her face couldn’t be wider and Allura found herself absorbed in it. She wanted that. The kind of love where you couldn’t help but smile thinking about the other.

‘Do you agree on modulation now?’

‘Oh heavens no!’ Colleen cried, and Allura flinched back suddenly. ‘No, we argue about that every other week!’

Pidge turned from her work then to send Allura a look of exasperation, ‘you have no idea how annoying it is.’

‘Then,’ Allura hesitated. She didn’t want to be rude, but she felt even more confused, ‘if you don’t mind me asking, why are you together if you disagree so much?’

Colleen smiled at her, and the knot of worry tied in Allura’s stomach released.

‘Well, I don’t know anyone else as passionate about modulation as me. And the fact we argue over these things just goes to show how similar we are. And that we’re comfortable enough to speak our minds. I think it’s a good thing.’

Allura nodded. She hadn’t considered that. Somehow the knot was returning.

‘We do agree on the important things though!’ Colleen added quickly. ‘Like raising these tyrants.’

Pidge yelped as Colleen made a grab for her. Pidge tried to dodge, narrowly missing one arm and falling into the other where Colleen was waiting. She squeezed the girl’s hip and the other squirmed, throwing her head back in desperate, screechy laughter. ‘No! Mom! STOP!’

Colleen laughed her off, letting her go and Pidge made a break for the other side of the room. Allura watched fondly. Despite all Pidge’s talk, they really did get on well. She couldn’t help it as a sense of longing pooled in her stomach. She hadn’t given her mother much thought over the past year. Couldn’t bear to. But they’d been like that once too.

There was a squeeze on her arm and Allura turned to find Colleen close again. She was smiling, but it wasn’t from happiness. Her eyes carried a lilt of sadness, the gesture one of comfort. Before Allura could respond, arms were scooping her up and she was surrounded by plush warmth.

‘Remember,’ Colleen whispered, the words warm puffs against Allura’s hair ‘you’re always welcome down here.’

Allura couldn’t speak. The sound would be muffled anyway by the cotton of Colleens sleeve. So, she opted to nod, eyes feeling warm as a sharp tug made itself known in her throat. She returned the hug, probably gripping tighter than what was considered normal. But it felt necessary. She wanted to hide in the comfort just a moment longer. And the longer she held, the more the words sunk in. _You’re always welcome down here._ It felt like more than an invitation. A promise. A safety net. And suddenly Allura’s cheek was wet.

‘Thank you.’ She whispered, burying in closer. She really had a lot more to thank the Holts for. But in that moment, she forgot it all. For once, she just accepted the comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Colleen so much!! And ever since that modulation line Sam threw out I've wanted to write their first meeting!! Also, I sometimes forget Allura's an orphan :( I think Colleen would definitely adopt her (because I would). 
> 
> Thanks for reading!~


	5. Another Patient

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunk panics when Keith burns himself on a tray! Luckily Lance is there to calm him.

The lounge was quiet. Lance sprawled himself across one of the sofas, tablet in one hand and Kosmo’s fur in the other. The wolf had decided to use him a pillow and Lance could honestly say he’d never been more blessed. He felt warm, as if tucked under several woollen blankets in-front of an open hearth. It was comforting. And he was very content reading through the stats of the next monster they were likely to bump into in space – a database courtesy of Coran. That was until…

‘LANCE!’

Hunk came bursting into the room, huffing and puffing. His headband was half way up his hair, apron splattered with batter like a crime scene and oven gloves waving wildy. Lance lifted his hand to indicate presence, ‘yes?’

‘OH MY GOD! LANCE!’

Hunk fell over him, still shouting despite the quiet of the room. He grabbed his shoulder’s, shaking so hard Lance got motion sickness.

‘WHERE’S THE BURN CREAM?’

‘Whoa man-‘ Lance began, dizzying with the movement. Kosmo didn’t seem to appreciate it either, letting out a small whine before hopping off the sofa and teleporting out. Traitor.

‘KEITH SAID YOU BORROWED THE BURN CREAM.’ Hunk continued yelling, still shaking Lance’s shoulders, ‘GIVE IT TO ME.’

‘Dude stop!’ Lance yelped grabbing his hands to steady them, ‘I’ll get the burn cream jeez, what even happened?’

Hunk’s panic dissipated then, giving way to an apologetic smile but not without urgency still lining his eyes. ‘It’s Keith. We were baking and he grabbed the tray but he wasn’t wearing gloves! And it looks pretty bad! Like, blisters all up his fingers and... We need burn cream. Stat.’

His large hands squeezed again, crushing Lance’s bones. Lance winced, trying to shift out the grip and take control of the situation.

‘Okay, deep breath.’

Hunk did as much, chest expanding widely. But worry still had him glued to the spot. Lance had to shimmy around his body to stand up. Right now, Hunk seemed to be the one in need of help. Lance had seen him in this state many times before, panic lining every one of his nerves, rational thought giving way to countless worst-case scenarios. He needed to be brought back to the real world, and Lance would be his anchor. Letting his own hands rest on Hunk, he reversed their arrangement and Hunk’s shoulders shot up with the touch. But, slowly, they began returning down and his breathing slowed.

‘Keith’s running his hands under cold water, right?’

Lance hoped the answer was yes. Keith may be reckless, but he had some sense. And his impulsive nature meant he probably had a lot of experience carrying out damage control. He’d know the sensible thing to do. And if he did, then Hunk’s mind would be eased.

‘Yeah. I-uh, I think so.’ Hunk’s eyes flickered, as he tried to recall the memory. Then he became focused and spoke more firmly, ‘Yes. Definitely. I distinctly remember him running to the sink after the tray fell.’

Lance let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. Maybe he hadn’t been quite as faithful in Keith as he first thought? At least he was right though. That meant Hunk would be ten times calmer now. He locked their gazes.

‘Okay. I’m gonna run back to my room and get the cream. You go keep Keith company.’ Hunk nodded sharply. With renewed vigour he went to turn but Lance caught him just before he could leave. ‘Remember, burns happen all the time. He’ll be fine.’

Hunk paused, staring back at Lance. Then his eyes went glassy and a weak smile pulled against his cheeks. His shoulders fell and before Lance could move, he was crushed in an enormous bear hug.

‘Whoa! Hey buddy, I’m not the one injured right now!’

‘I know,’ Hunk replied, voice wobbling, ‘I just- I love you man.’

Lance laughed, before curling into the hug. Lance shouldn’t have even be surprised at the rush of emotions coming from his best friend. Hunk could never stay down for long. And when Lance was so well versed in the art of calming him, the emotions were bound to come thick and fast. He buried his face in the other’s shoulder, muffling his words, ‘love you too.’

Then, as quickly as it had begun, the moment was over and Hunk was all business. Standing back like an army general, he nodded formally at Lance, ‘now, get that cream.’

‘Roger that!’

~*~

Keith cursed himself. He cursed the oven, he cursed the trays and he cursed Hunk. No wait, he didn’t curse Hunk. Curse himself again, Hunk was the angel trying to teach a disaster like him how to bake. And Keith, being Keith, just had to go and get himself burned. He frowned, swirling his fingers through the bowl of water. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt too bad? Experimentally, he lifted his hand until the water was dripping into the bowl. See, fine. Hunk was overreacting. Flicking his wrist, he ridded himself of the excess water before immediately seizing up. Damn, that hurt. The blisters felt like they were squeezing in on themselves, pain increasing from hushed whispers to screaming shouts in less than a minute. He shoved them back down into the water, sighing as the sting immediately subsided. Okay, maybe Hunk was onto something.

‘Lance is on the case!’

Keith spun around to find Hunk lumbering towards him. He smiled as Hunk continued to step into his space, peering over Keith’s shoulder to see the damage. He let out a deep sigh.

‘Ah man. My brain was making all kinds of grotesque images of these. But they’re just little white bumps.’

Hunk leaned down to rest his chin on Keith’s shoulder and Keith fought not to flinch at the action. It’s not that he didn’t like it – he did, always missing the extra warmth when it left. It’s just that the casual touches, free affection, willing love, was still a little unusual to him. Hunk was so tactile though that the time it took for Keith to relax into it was decreasing on a daily basis. Today, Keith was feeling brave. Or maybe weak, given his injury. He dropped his head to rest against the others, enjoying the softness of Hunk’s hair against his cheek.

‘They’re kinda cute,’ Hunk cooed, wagging a finger at Keith’s burns, ‘like lil albino turtles.’

Keith snorted, turning his hands over. He could maybe see clouds, or white pebbles. But turtles were a bit of a push. But if Hunk said they were turtles, then who was he to deny it? Hunk had been a spiking mesh of anxiety only ten minutes before. Clattering around the kitchen as Keith slammed the cold water tap on, yelling how there was no burn cream. Keith had to shout to be heard over the noise, telling him it was with Lance. Hunk disappeared nearly as fast as Kosmo teleporting and Keith was left in dead silence, staring at his mistake. It was nice to have soft Hunk back. Lance must have said something to him. A magic word of some sort. Maybe Keith would have to learn it? Then again, it seemed to be Lance’s nature to smooth over edges. He had a certain energy about him, able to spark a change in mood just by entering a room.

‘Don’t panic, my friends!’

Speak of the devil. Hunk whipped around as Keith craned his neck to the door. Lance waltzed into the room, nose to the sky, holding a small tub high in the air.

‘I, your royal saviour Lance, have brought the burn cream.’

Keith found himself grinning despite Lance’s obnoxious entrance. Hunk stumbled over, accepting the gift and running back to Keith. Lance joined them, sandwiching Keith in the middle.

‘Oof, ouch.’ Lance hissed, leaning right up to the water. ‘You alright bud?’

He tilted his gaze up to Keith, cheeks the slightest tinge of pink due to the near upside-down angle. His hair was falling into his eyes and he scraped it away, letting the curls slip between his fingers as he dragged it back from his forehead. Keith found his breath catch in his throat. How was he so radiant? Lance’s beauty was near blinding and the sincerity of his question nearly fatal with the palpitations it gave Keith’s heart. God, he was in far too deep. He had to summon the strength of a God just to tear his gaze away. Words seemed too risky so he simply nodded, darting his eyes to Hunk in the hope for help. Luckily Hunk took pity on him.

‘Let’s dry you off and get some cream on, yeah?’

Keith nodded, bracing himself for the sting of leaving the water. It still caught him off guard, pain increasing tenfold as Hunk passed him a tea towel. A hand landed on his back and Keith was too caught up in the sting not to lean into the body. Hunk unscrewed the pot lid, before offering it out to Keith who lathered it on. The cool liquid was instant relief and Keith sighed. There was a chuckle in his ear, way too close and Keith suddenly realised why. He was leaning into Lance’s side, the other drawing circles across his back. It was comforting. Familiar. Dangerous. It had Keith’s heart aching.

‘What’s going on in here?’

Now Keith flinched hard. Allura had entered the kitchen, looking at the three with reserved concern. Lance quickly waved it off.

‘s’all good Princess!’ He announced brightly, pulling her in by his spare arm. He leant in close, pressing a loud kiss to her lips. Keith winced, squirming awkwardly. He knew they were together. And he was happy for the two. But, God, the close proximity was like a stab in the gut. Why? Why was he so weak? He’d known the whole time Lance had a thing for Allura. But he still went ahead and let a small bud of hope unfurl in his heart. They’d been getting on so well after the whole Earth invasion thing. Lance even seemed genuinely happy to be around him. That’s when he made the mistake of thinking maybe. Maybe, Keith wouldn’t be rejected. But then Lance asked Allura out. And that was it. Keith was too late. Not even late, just alone in his feelings. His eyes prickled. He needed to get out. Now.

‘Keith here just got himself burned,’ Lance said, gesturing to his side. Keith tried to shrink away but Lance squeezed him tight, pulling him closer under his arm and all Keith could do was stumble stiffly with him.

‘Hey, you’re the one who got burned first.’ Keith muttered, suddenly irritated. He crossed his arms stubbornly, glaring holes in the floor. Why couldn’t Lance just leave him alone? That was it. Keith would be leaving _him_ alone from now on. It was time to get strong.

‘You got burned?’

It was Allura speaking now, but the words weren’t directed at Keith. He would have just ignored them if it weren’t for the obvious shift in atmosphere. Lance was suddenly stiff against him, fingers digging into Keith’s jacket.

‘Yeah.’ Lance said. It was light – a fake kind of light, like it knew it was hiding something.

‘When?’

Keith turned at the tone. It was Allura’s commander voice. It was designed to hold back any kind of emotion, but right now, it barely did its job. She narrowed her eyes at Lance, leaning back to square her shoulders. Lance’s tongue slowly moved to lick his lips, and he cast his gaze to a spot on the wall beyond her. ‘The other day.’

‘On the mission?’

Keith wanted to shrink away. Dissolve like dust in space. Allura’s tone was even but it was slowly giving way to anger. Lance still wasn’t looking at her. His voice broke as he spoke, ‘yeah.’

Suddenly Allura threw her head down. ‘You lied to me.’

It wasn’t addressed to anyone in particular. More of a statement for herself. But it attracted the attention of the whole room. The air was thick and Keith didn’t dare move a muscle.

‘It was a white lie!’ Lance burst out, ‘I just didn’t want you to worry!’

Allura looked up then. And it shot through Keith. Her eyes were huge, and shining, hurt etched across every pore. ‘You still lied.’

Then she whipped around, striding from the kitchen, hands balled into fists.

‘Allura!’ Lance yelped, fear dripping off his voice. He immediately dropped Keith, running after her. ‘Wait!’

Keith stood frozen. He looked to Hunk who just stared back. After a tense moment, Hunk cleared his throat.

‘Right. Well. Um…’ He trailed off, looking back at the floor. ‘Lets just- yeah. Let’s tidy up.’

Keith forced himself to nod. Hunk shuffled around to the cupboards before slowly beginning to tidy the mess of their afternoon baking. Keith watched for a moment, leaning back against the counter. He didn’t know what to say. What to do. He couldn’t help a knot of guilt tying into his stomach.

‘Come on, bud.’ Hunk said, pulling him out his thoughts. ‘Nothing we can do now.’

Hunk smiled at him, resigned. Keith sighed. He was right. This was a problem for the couple, not them. Even if they witnessed the whole uncomfortable ordeal, it was better to pretend they didn’t. Kicking off the counter, he joined Hunk’s cleaning spree. Besides, Keith had decided to leave Lance alone now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops! Sorry for leaving it on such a tense note! ♥


	6. Love on the Rocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allura confronts Lance over his lie, what she doesn't realise is that she isn't quite hitting the right marks.   
> Keith's a lil pine cone.

‘Allura!’

Lance grabbed her hand, finally having caught up and Allura ripped it back. She didn’t want his touch right now. She didn’t want him anywhere near him. He lied. That said as much as she cared to listen for.

‘I don’t want to talk!’ Allura snapped, head thrown over her shoulder.

Lance looked like he’d been slapped. But he didn’t say another word, lowering his head. Allura thought about leaving. She had her room, three turns over. Blue was sitting in her hangar on the floor below. And there was always the control room – the one with Altean tech, none of the human stuff she couldn’t understand. Instead, she found herself snapping once again.

‘Why did you lie?’

Lance looked up again. With wide glistening eyes and apprehension written across his face. It irritated Allura. She pulled her arms across her chest, trying her best not tap her foot. She wanted answers. Now.

‘I didn’t want you to worry.’

‘And why shouldn’t I worry?’

Lance hesitated at that. ‘Because. You were injured.’

Lance was being sincere now at least. Allura fought to decide whether it was too late. Besides, his answers weren’t a satisfactory explanation. She said as much.

‘By the sounds of it you were too.’

‘It didn’t matter Allura!’

Allura stepped back a little with the force of his shout. Lance rarely raised his voice like this. He was loud but never angry loud. Clearly, Lance was surprised too, immediately lowering his heels to the floor and returning the hunch to his back.

‘Look. I wanted to look after you, okay? You are so incredibly important. To me, and to the universe. You shouldn’t be injured. Or even looking after the injured. You should be out there fighting. I don’t want to be the one to hold you back.’

‘Lance…’

Allura couldn’t find the words. Lance was looking at her like she was the world, unadulterated adoration. It made her heart pump faster; her hairs stand on end. He was so kind. She could fall into his arms feeling warm and loved. Everything at peace. But his words made her stomach turn in on itself.

‘Lance.’ Allura said, more firmly this time. She needed to be careful with these words – and she needed him to hear them. Removing herself from the situation, closing her eyes to that gaze she desperately wanted to keep, she spoke clearly, without room for argument. ‘I decide when I worry and who I want to worry about. I don’t want you hiding injuries because you think they’re not important. Because they are. Especially to me.’

When she opened her eyes, Lance was looking to the floor. His lips moved shakily, rubbing together like they were considering when to next open.

‘Lance?’

Lance whipped his eyes back up, ‘yes!’

‘Are you okay?’

Lance’s brows twitched again. Then his face was quickly rearranged into a happy one, the familiar smile Allura had come to adore.

‘I’m sorry.’ He said, ‘About lying. And all this.’

Allura shook her head. ‘No. I know you didn’t mean it maliciously.’

And really, when Allura looked back over the situation, she didn’t need Lance to tell her that. For one, Lance was never one to act out of malice. And for another, it really was only a small lie. Not like… Allura quickly cut off her thoughts, slamming them away behind the steel of a prison cell door. No need to bring up bad thoughts. She focussed on Lance in front of her, untreated guilt bubbling like acid in her stomach.

‘I’m sorry for over-reacting.’

‘You didn’t!’ Lance quickly reassured, stepping closer once again, ‘lying’s bad. I should know better. My mamá would scold me if she heard.’

He slapped his wrist in mock fashion and Allura found herself giggling. Lance always had a way of diffusing a situation, removing the tension with his sense of humour. He could brush away the bad thoughts, argument already practically forgotten. She felt safe around him. Happy.

~*~

The air in the meeting room tasted like cotton wool to Keith. He sat opposite Lance, who was fidgeting, taking glances at Allura’s hand that sat on the table between them. Keith hadn’t spoken to him since the whole incident it the kitchen. Although that was mostly because it had only been a few days ago. But he was assured by Hunk that the couple had made up. And then force-fed cookie batter because apparently, he could tell Keith was still blaming himself for the whole thing. He wasn’t entirely wrong. Keith knew logically, that Lance and Allura’s argument was something between the two of them – they couldn’t possibly know Keith’s feelings. But the guilt continued to bubble away in his stomach as his thoughts refused to be corralled back into their pens. He liked Lance. So much. He was so sweet. And funny. And ridiculous. And annoying. Oh god, he annoyed Keith so much. Like an irritating spot that needed to be itched. And Keith had very little self-control. 

He used to hide behind that fact. That Keith got far too annoyed by Lance to ever like him. But that wasn’t true. Because Lance wasn’t always annoying in the “oh my god I’m gonna punch him” kind of sense. He was annoying _because_ he was always hiding behind the “oh my god I’m gonna punch him” façade. Underneath it, Lance’s support was unending. His passion was ferocious, the honesty in his action’s tangible. He had a power over Keith. In those moments he let go. Where he let his real-self talk. Because Keith couldn’t stop listening. He was strong, clever – thinking in ways Keith couldn’t but understanding where Keith was. It was grounding. Keith liked who he was around Lance. Calm. Collected. Chaotic thoughts finally drawn into smooth lines. And he liked pushing Lance – the real Lance - forward. There was a closeness he craved. To be the only one to hold Lance. To hold him close and tell him exactly what he meant to Keith – meant to the world. He wanted Lance at his side for all of time, keeping him safe from whirling out of control. And laughing with him. To share in a happiness only the two of them could create.

He swallowed it all down. Trapped it in the back of his mind. This wasn’t fair on him. On Keith, Lance or Allura. He needed to temper this down. Because he truly wanted Lance to be happy and if he was the one messing things up between him and Allura, Keith would never forgive himself. Throwing on his business face he concentrated on the meeting.

‘So,’ Pidge spoke, Keith tuning into the important bit where she’d finished her scientific drivel ‘we need to collect a sample of these particles left over from Haggar’s wormholes so we can track her ship and confront her head on.’

Shiro nodded, bringing a hand up to rub against his chin. There was stubble there. Keith wondered if he was looking after himself on the Garrison side of the ship. ‘And how do we do that?’

‘Well.’ Pidge said, sliding her glasses up the ridge of her nose. ‘I propose we carry out a two-person mission. One piloting a lion, the other diving out to the rift and collecting the particles. Coran already has a container we can use.’

Coran nodded at that, lifting a large cylindrical jar to the table. ‘It’s made of Alluminus Flomite! In natural form, the ore is highly explosive, but if melted down correctly, the stone naturally decays to release stabilisers that will keep the particles from dissolving. And it also appears clear like glass!’

‘Perfect.’ Shiro said, smiling formally at the man, ‘so who should go on the mission?’

‘Lance and I will.’ Allura announced firmly. Keith couldn’t help noticing Lance’s mouth fall open at the suggestion.

‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’ Lance said nervously, glancing around the table.

‘Of course. I want to help the Altean’s any way I can.’

‘But maybe…’ Lance trailed off as Allura turned to him, blinking widely.

‘You don’t think I should?’ She sounded a little hurt. But she masked it well with anger. Keith shrank into his seat

‘No! I do!’ Lance quickly replied. Then he looked back down at the table, poking a finger at a stain, ‘just maybe a different lion?’

‘Why?’ Allura asked sharply. Keith felt uncomfortable. It wasn’t uncommon for the Paladins to fight. But a lover’s spat was different. It made his stomach twist uncomfortably and he wasn’t the only one by the looks of it, Pidge looking around wildly, Shiro re-acquainting himself with his notes and Hunk chewing his lip. ‘Red’s the fastest.’

‘But yellow’s more sturdy!’ Lance burst out, ‘And Pidge upgraded green with cloaking! You’d be safer with them!’

Allura shook her head. ‘This isn’t about safety Lance. It’s about efficiency. We need the red lion as it will get the job done most quickly.’

Lance seemed to still want to fight on this, moving his mouth in circles like getting gum off his teeth. Thankfully Shiro intervened.

‘The Princess is right Lance. You two are the best to carry out this mission, is that okay?’

Lance looked like he was about to protest. Then he sighed, sinking into his shoulders. ‘Yeah. It’s fine.’

‘Great. Then that’s meeting adjourned. We’ll change course now and be at the rift sometime tomorrow morning.’

Then papers were shuffling and chairs scraping. Keith made a beeline for the door. The air was still uncomfortable, and he wanted to spend as less time with the couple as possible.

‘Hey Keith, wait a sec-’

Lance. Keith sighed. He couldn’t do this right now.

‘I need to go train.’

Lance recoiled at the venom. Keith hadn’t meant to spit the words. It just sort of happened. He didn’t want to see Lance hurt. So, he turned his back. And powered towards the training deck. It felt wrong. Like taking a different turn along a familiar path. But he didn’t go back. This was for the best. Less time with Lance was less time to pine. Less time for his heart to collect stab wounds. He kept walking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allura listened to too much panic at the disco and now she won't open the goddamn door.
> 
> They're all a bit of a disaster right now - hurting each other by trying to keep themselves safe - somethings gotta give real soon~
> 
> Thanks for sticking around and sorry about all the angst!! ♥ I don't like it either but I love the healing and comfort part, it is just taking forEVER to get there lol


	7. Hesitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Allura's mission goes ahead, though not quite as planned

Lance had tried talking to Keith all day but there was always some sort of excuse. Training. Shiro. Busy. He never got a word in edge ways. That or he was completely untraceable, hiding quiznak knows where on the Atlas. It made Lance irritated. How come whenever he needed him, the red paladin seemed to jet off to some other reality? But worse than that, Lance had never got to speak to him. Which meant he was still supposed to be flying Red. This was wrong. He couldn’t- he wasn’t- the fact of the matter was that Keith would do a far better job at protecting Allura than he ever could. And if they had to take Red, then Keith was the only person who could pilot.

Lance pulled at his sleeves, frowning at his feet. Behind him, he could sense the Red Lion – her eye’s stuck on him like prey. He swallowed hard, unwilling to feel her presence. She was insistent but he pushed back against her consciousness. This wasn’t her problem. It was Lance’s. And, honestly, what could a sentient lion do about this? She couldn’t go demand Keith to take over for him. Or make yellow fly for them. She needed to butt out. He pulled up a thicker wall against her, feeling it bend inwards as she practically forced her mind against it.

‘Lance?’

The boy jolted at Allura’s voice. She was walking across the hangar, dressed in her pink paladin armour and tying her hair back into a high ponytail. Lance plastered on a grin.

‘Ready to go?’

He hoped his nerves weren’t clear in his voice. Allura nodded and he quickly turned around to enter Red. She would open right? She wasn’t always one to do as Lance told, but he really needed her right now.

Luckily, after a moment long enough to make his lungs burn, Red lowered her jaw and Lance scrambled inside. She pushed harder against his consciousness, like a thunderous wave nearly toppling him over. He let out the quietest growl, glaring at the cockpit. He knew he’d have to give in if he wanted to pilot properly. But did she have to be so forceful about it? With a sigh, he flopped into the seat, grabbed the controls and let her thoughts swarm his mind.

They were harsh. Sudden. Determined. Worried. And they all said one thing. That Lance was doing fine. More than fine. He was capable. And if she trusted him then he should trust himself too. Lance ignored them all. It was surprisingly easy. Like they were echoes around his bubble. Allura sat down on the bench at the back, placing her helmet on before giving the go ahead. Then Lance was bursting into space.

‘I heard you were looking for Keith earlier.’

Lance’s grip tightened around the controls.

‘Yeah?’ He said, trying not to give anything away. She couldn’t possibly know the reason he was searching, right?

‘Well, I have to apologise. I had him occupied for most of the day.’

‘No worries,’ Lance said swiftly. She didn’t need to apologise. It was nobody’s fault really. Except Lance’s for being so inept at his job that he had to try and find someone else to do it. And that was his burden. His problem, and his alone, to fix. He felt Red jabbing at his mind again and shoved her away, glaring at the console. Alone.

They rode out the rest of the journey in silence. It suffocated Lance. His throat was tight with words that refused to form. It seemed his mind was mush, unable to form sentences. Lance’s one talent was talking too much and he didn’t even have that anymore. Red was near purring against his mind now. She was no longer battering against his defences. Instead she was slinking around the bubble like a cat around legs, cooing and insistent. Lance stiffened his shoulders in his seat. It would be so easy to lean into the feeling of her comfort, let himself slump into the chair and cry. Let go of the bubble and cuddle her close. It’s all he really wanted to do and his stomach ached with the effort of holding himself together. But they had a mission to do. And Lance would be damned if he let harm come to the Princess just because he couldn’t keep his emotions in check. So, he ignored Red and pressed firmly against the controls.

They rounded the next planet and found themselves in some sort of asteroid field. There was a sun burning white beyond them, throwing out bursts of magma in purple sparks. Rubble floated everywhere between, as if an entire planet had been blown up. And just to the side was a strike against the sky, like a scar. It was made up of twinkling pink stars though on closer inspection, it was just dust.

‘Those are the particles.’ Allura announced. She stood up, grabbing the cylinder Coran had provided. ‘I’m going out.’

Lance nodded, stomach twisting nervously.

‘Be safe.’ He said.

Allura sent him an appreciative smile. ‘No need to worry. I’ve got you backing me up.’

Lance laughed nervously. He felt sick. Allura shouldn’t trust him. He was useless. How many shots had he missed? How many moments had he held back and made the wrong decision? Shiro wasn’t even Shiro at some point, and Lance just _knew_. The man had even reached out to him. And Lance? Lance had ignored him. He was no good. Even given the opportunity to do something helpful and he failed completely. His eyes prickled. He squeezed them tight, turning to the window. He couldn’t keep watch if he was crying.

Allura glided through space in front of him. She was like a mermaid, effortlessly swimming through the water. She opened the jar, scooping up the glitter. Then a grin was on her face and she held it up to Lance in triumph. Lance laughed despite himself. She was too cute. It made his chest ache.

Then a sudden explosion had him falling out his seat. Lance grabbed at the controls, hauling himself back up as he spun Red around. A huge robot had appeared. Floating in the space just beyond them was a silver body and bulbous head. Bile rose through Lance’s throat as he realised what it was. One of Haggar’s Alteans. One brainwashed enough to turn on the whole universe. Lance stared as the creature lifted its weapon, a jagged, purple scythe. Then it charged and Lance barely had time to dodge. Red’s tail got knocked to the side as he slid left and Lance toppled off balance. He stumbled through a turn, cursing under his breath as he realigned with the bot, jaw blade already formed.

The creature loomed and he didn’t give it a chance to attack again. Charging forward, he let out a shout, speeding into the Robot’s side. It dodged the hit, but Lance had anticipated that. Unrelenting on speed he swung upwards, looping around to slice its neck. Sparks flew out like a firework, Lance already speeding out the way again. The Robot didn’t slow either. It flew after Lance, swinging its weapon back in preparation. Lance faked left, ducked down, leapt off rubble and shot blindly. The sky soon became filled with light and explosions. He was landing hit after hit, but it was barely letting up. Then it came to a sudden stop.

Lance slowed, keeping his foot close to the accelerator. His breathing was erratic, and now he’d paused, he noticed how loudly his heart beat in his ears. He watched with bated breath as the robot lifted its arms. Then dark energy was pouring through the sky, swelling into the beast’s chest, like thick smoke made of treacle. Lance clung to Red’s controls with almost painful grip as he watched in dread. So enraptured, he missed the tell-tale swing of the scythe.

Red slammed to the side and Lance tumbled with her, stars spinning into circles. He squeezed the controls, muscles screaming as he tried to get them upright. Alarms rung out like a nuclear station in meltdown, and Lance could barely think over the flurry of sharp beeps and squeaks that only dizzied him further. Red blasted her cannon, urging Lance to guide them to a halt. He quickly followed her plan, rolling them to a stop through a haze of light and sound.

‘Sorry Red.’ He hissed between his teeth, ‘won’t happen again.’

Vision still clearing, he slammed forward before suddenly pulling back. Allura. She was right in the sky between them. Her Bayard was raised in anticipation, whip curling in the air. She threw it out, blue light streaming through the sky before wrapping tight around the robot’s arm. Then she pulled back, hard, the robot flying with it. She swung it like a hammer throw athlete, robot crashing into rocks, exploding the asteroids. With a wide swing, Allura pulled her whip free, before quickly sending it back to latch onto its leg. She didn’t pull back fast enough this time though. The beast kicked up, taking advantage of her stance change and threw her out into the rubble.

Lance yelled in alarm. Diving forward, he shot along the robot until it’s leg joint was all but a thread. Then he rammed against it, forcing it from its place. The whip fell free and Lance roared upwards, slicing his jaw blade along its front. He curved through the sky, dashboard glowing with explosions. Then it began recharging.

‘Lance!’ Allura shouted. In the heat of the battle Lance had completely forgotten his com. ‘Now! Shoot it’s chest now!’

Lance skidded to stop. The robot’s chest plate had split open to let the energy in. Allura was right, if he shot now, he could target its weak inside and defeat it quickly. He swung around to align his shot. Finger against the trigger, he programmed Red to show him gridlines. The lines bobbed up and down, both the robot and Red floating making the target waver uncertainly. Lance was about to shoot anyway, when he froze. Allura was out there. She was floating between them and every dip of his Lion had her wobbling closer to the firing line. He couldn’t. Lance couldn’t. If he shot now, he would miss. He’d hit Allura. Lance’s throat felt hot, his palms sweaty. His stomach plummeted through the floor.

‘ALLURA I CAN’T. I MIGHT-.’

‘DO IT LANCE!’

The cross lined up with her head.

‘NO! NO I CAN’T I’LL-‘

The beast was almost at full capacity. The plates were already sliding shut. Chances were getting slim. Lance squeezed the controls. He couldn’t do it. Allura. He couldn’t.

There was a flash. Lance threw his head up just as the beast exploded. Allura had her Bayard outstretched, stance mid lunge as if she’d thrown a pitch.

‘Allura, what happened, what did you-?’

‘Quick. I need pick up. There’ll be more on their way.’

Lance wanted to ask more, words hanging on his lips. But she was right. When this one didn’t return Haggar would know something had happened. He lurched forward, snapping Allura up in Red’s jaw. Then he stamped down on the acceleration and booked it back to the Atlas.

‘What did you do?’ Lance asked when they were finally out the danger zone.

‘I threw the cylinder.’ She said flatly, collapsing against the bench. She was dripping with sweat, face furrowed as she tried to regain her composure. ‘Altean fireworks. They used to contain Alluminus Flomite. Even melted down, with enough pressure, it can be used as an explosive.’

Lance nodded vaguely, looking back out to the stars. They’d been so close. They’d had the particles in their grasp. If Lance had just been quicker. Had been better. Had taken the fucking shot, then they wouldn’t be in this mess. His stomach lurched, arms feeling weak against Red’s controls. It was all his fault. The universe was in danger now. Because of him. Lance. He was to blame. If the universe ended tomorrow he’d be given a front row seat to the show, plaque made out in his name marking the grave.

‘-ance. Lance.’

‘Huh?’

Lance flinched as Allura settled a hand against his shoulder. ‘We’re back at the Atlas.’

‘Oh.’ Lance turned and found his vision a little hazy. He had to blink several times just to bring her into focus.

‘Are you okay?’

Lance hummed in response turning back to the Red’s dash. He couldn’t seem to move his hands. It was like they’d been glued to the controls. He could feel Allura’s stare remaining on him. He should move. Smile. At the very least, give her some words of encouragement. Hell, it was Lance’s fault they were in this mess.

‘I’m sor-.’

Lance cut himself off. Because he was talking to an empty room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for leaving you with a pained Lance again!! I almost didn't post it but then I didn't want to ruin my schedule and the next chapter isn't fluff either... I also rejigged this from my initial plan and now I'm rethinking my next couple of chapters so I wanna get that right first so if there's a lapse in update next week that's why~
> 
> Also I know Allura leaving was awful, but she didn't know Lance was having a panic attack. I just wanna be clear that if she realised then she never would have. I wanted to show that she can't read him and that doesn't equate to a good relationship but she's just coming off very badly and I feel a little guilty now ♥
> 
> Thanks for reading!! My other fics are fluffier if you need a break~


	8. Tests

When the Red Lion landed, Allura was first to exit down the runway. She was visibly dishevelled, holding her helmet under one arm as she brushed damp strands of hair back from her face.

‘Get the particles?’ Pidge asked, practically bouncing in place. It wasn’t too surprising, she’d been the one to suggest this route and was probably eager to get research started. But the movement quickly stopped as Allura shook her head.

‘I’m sorry, we weren’t able to obtain the particles.’

Pidge’s shoulders hunched a little but credit to her, she kept her mouth buttoned, probably sensing as much as Keith that there was more to be said on the matter. Neither of them had quite the way with words to ask without sounding forceful.

‘Did something happen?’ Shiro asked. He had the level of tact for this sort of situation, sounding sympathetic instead of demanding.

Allura sighed, more exasperated than anything else. ‘Haggar happened.’

Pidge rolled her eyes, ‘of course. The one and only. Guess, I’ll be going back to the lab. Maybe I can find another rift?’

‘Try for less Altean Robeasts this time?’ Allura called, Pidge already slinking out the room.

‘Can’t make any promises!’

Keith smiled despite himself. Missions always made him a little tense – even more so when they went wrong. But Pidge’s blasé attitude calmed him down.

‘So, you’re both okay then?’ Shiro asked.

Allura nodded. ‘Yes. We were able to fight off the robot.’

‘Good.’ Shiro said with finality. ‘Then I’ll report back to the Atlas and redirect our travel to avoid any stragglers.’ Then he was waving them goodbye and heading back into the ship.

Keith watched him before he felt a hand touch his elbow.

‘Could I pinch you once again? I want to continue my quintessence tests.’

Keith nodded, unable to help himself as his eyes flickered back to Red. Still, he said goodbye to Hunk, following Allura to the lab.

As soon as they arrived, Allura was pulling out drawers and throwing wires onto desks. Keith leaned awkwardly against one of the cupboards. Why hadn’t Lance left his Lion? He was nearly always first out on group missions, like he fed off the glory. Allura tapped against his leg, looking meaningfully at the cupboard Keith just so happened to be stood against. He shuffled aside, hovering awkwardly as she worked. The equipment was relatively similar to the previous day’s when Allura had first invited him down to the lab. With Pidge favouring the rift particle idea, the entity research fell solely to Coran. Given that he’d garnered as much information as he could with the Castle of Lion’s databases, he’d given Allura the go ahead to look at it from an alchemic perspective.

Keith watched as she began hooking up equipment. Strange machines, chemicals, electrodes. It seemed like her experiments were a kind of anything goes situation. He assumed Allura knew what she was doing though, so he let it wash over him. The Altean had explained that she was analysing quintessence – what form it took within bodies. Half the tests hadn’t even involved objects. Just her, shutting her eyes and focussing on Keith’s energy. At one point, she’d clutched his wrist, closing her eyes and humming. Keith had felt awkward until he felt a jolt in his veins. They felt hot, like they were trying to escape his body. Then Allura had suddenly let go and everything was normal again. He shuddered at the thought.

‘So?’ He prompted, tapping the nearby table.

Allura glanced up in question.

‘More tests?’

Allura laughed. ‘Sorry, just a few, for safety. But I also needed to ask you something.’

Keith hummed, cocking his head to the side.

‘I just- this is a last resort.’ She said firmly. Keith eyed her carefully. What was she talking about? ‘I had some suspicions. That’s why I was carrying out all those tests on you.’

Allura turned away from him, crossing the room to unlock a thick black safe. Then she pulled out a cylindrical jar, fixed with a metal top and bottom and encasing a slimmer glass tube. Inside the glass, was a buzzing kind of creature. It was like a living scribble on a page but it had no discernible features. Keith wasn’t sure if it was even a creature, or just another strange substance they’d found on a planet.

‘This is the entity.’ Allura said, bringing the jar up to the desk in front of them as if introducing them. Keith blinked down at the shape. It was like cobwebs wrapped together, constantly lurching and twisting like it didn’t fit together. He shuddered.

‘Friendly.’

Allura chuckled, fetching a tablet from the cupboard. ‘I tried a few alchemic tests on it the other day, trying to work out if the matter was living, or if it was, indeed, friendly.’

Keith raised an eyebrow. There was no way this thing could be considered friendly. Just looking at it made his brain feel funny. Like his eyes were being swallowed up and his limbs no longer belonged to his body.

‘When I tried to pick apart it’s quintessence, I found it was like mine. Altean.’

Keith nodded. Honerva was Altean, it would make sense whatever magic she enacted would be too.

‘But also not. It was like something else was there, latched onto the strands. It didn’t match any of the energy on our existing database.’

Keith swallowed thickly. He couldn’t say he was surprised that this… thing was an anomaly. But that fact still made his hairs stand on end. They were fighting with the unknown.

‘The thing is, with your unusual biology, I realised that our data was rather outdated. There’s isn’t much in the way of mixed heritage. So, I needed to collect more.’

She slid a shiny white tablet across the table, flicking through settings until she found what she was looking for. On the screen was something akin to a golden DNA helix but it was broken and knotted. And the strands weren’t smooth lines but undulating curves with purple hooked on like thorns. Below it, was another, a more recognisable black helix but with the same purple thorns.

‘What am I looking at?’ Keith asked although he had a sneaking suspicion that he already knew.

‘This is the entity.’ She said, pointing to the top image. ‘I couldn’t tell whether it was produced by multiple sources, Galra, Altean and others. Or perhaps, just one of mixed DNA.’

Her face fell into a grimace. Keith could hear the unsaid word.

‘Lotor.’ He supplied.

Allura practically jumped at the sound. She bit down on her cheek, looking away to the floor. Should Keith have kept his mouth shut? It’s not like they could ignore him forever. He had a part to play in all this. Was Keith just supposed to never mention his name? The silence drew on before Allura was standing straight again.

‘Precisely. Although you are part human and not altean, the principle is the same. Your DNA,’ She gestured to the second picture on the screen, ‘reflects the entity’s more than any other I’ve seen. It’s safe to conclude, the person responsible has both Altean and Galran DNA.’

‘Right.’ Keith said. Well, that confirmed his suspicions that Lotor was somehow involved here. And explained why Keith of all people had been under rigorous testing. ‘What now?’

Allura sucked on her lips.

‘Well…’ she began, looking back to the entity. ‘I have a hypothesis. Since this entity has quintessence matching various species, it is safe to assume, it has come from a person. Quintessence retains much of what a person is, even when removed. I think, if I could harness it correctly, I could find out where it came from and what its purpose is.’

Keith didn’t understand much about quintessence. He just knew it was energy and it was useful. The way Allura spoke about it made it sound like a being of its own. A substance akin to atoms, making everything up.

‘So how do you do that?’ Keith asked, and the tension in the room shifted. Allura grimaced and Keith sensed it wasn’t going to be an easy task.

‘Quintessence. It retains form. It can move from planet to planet. Stem to leaf. Person to person. That’s how the entity got into the Alteans. But it was forced. I believe if I can absorb it, I can avoid the adverse effects and instead analyse its quintessence to discover its past.’

Keith’s breath stuck in his throat like gum. ‘Absorb it?’

Allura nodded solemnly. ‘I know its risky. But I’m afraid at this point we don’t have a choice.’

They still hadn’t found Haggar. The Altean’s were still terrified of the Atlas, barely sparing them any information. And the mission for particles had gone awry. Keith frowned. What had happened on that mission? Maybe they could try again? Or had something deeper gone wrong? Keith couldn’t help it as his mind thought back to the Red Lion sitting open in the Hanger – Lance still inside. Why hadn’t he left?

‘Keith, I’m not sure how this will affect me.’ Allura continued, bringing Keith back to the room. The itch under his skin didn’t go anywhere though. ‘I don’t know if I’ll be able to pilot whilst harbouring it, or if I can, whether Voltron itself will be affected. But I firmly believe doing this will push forward our fight with Haggar. That’s why I’m asking you as head of Voltron, to allow me to do this.’

Oh. Keith felt off guard. He still wasn’t quite used to having authority in these types of situations. And to be fair, he wasn’t sure if he was qualified. Allura’s stance was firm and confident as she asked though. It was clear she really wanted to do this. And the logic made complete sense. Voltron wasn’t in high-demand whilst they drifted in space and the Atlas was well-kitted with weaponry. It seemed their best next step.

‘Are you sure?’ Keith asked. Because, yes, maybe it did make sense, but it didn’t exactly seem appealing. Could Allura be sure this thing wouldn’t kill her? And given how Lance still hadn’t made an appearance after their previous mission, was she ready to take on another?

But Allura was nodding sharply. ‘Absolutely.’

Keith sighed. This was a dangerous mission. But when were they ever not? Voltron needed to defeat Haggar and this risk was one they needed to take, even if the thought of his friend absorbing a strange alien entity made him queasy. Keith reminded himself that this was Allura. She was an expert of quintessence and alchemy. They were putting their best foot forward.

‘Okay.’ He found himself saying.

Allura grinned. Then she was dancing around the lab, whipping together equipment once again.

‘I still want to do just a few more safety tests before hand. One including you.’

Keith nodded, accepting his fate. He settled into the chair she presented, allowing her to clip strange things to his fingers that were wired up to some kind of ticking box with plenty of dials and clocks. As the conversation ended, Keith found his mind drifting. Had something happened on their mission? Something bad? No. If it had, Allura would have said so. And she was obviously unharmed. So where was Lance?

Allura nudged his arm and began fixing a cuff to it like she was taking his blood pressure. She moved over to the entity and Keith watched intently as she hooked it’s cylinder up too. He could just ask. Nothing wrong with asking. It’s not like mission debriefs weren’t a thing. And she’d made the acute observation that Keith was the leader of Voltron. It was only natural he asks really.

‘Where’s Lance?’

His voice felt too loud for the quiet room. That wasn’t quite the question he’d been aiming for. It would get the answer he was wanting, but still. He felt awkward and hot. Allura was looking at him curiously now. He practically vomited his next words.

‘I didn’t see him in the hangar.’

Allura blinked before standing up again. ‘You didn’t? I thought he was right behind me.’

‘No?’ Keith said carefully. ‘Did something happen?’

‘Well… the mission didn’t quite go to plan. Unfortunately, we lost the particles in a fight with an Altean Robeast. It couldn’t be helped though, but we were lucky to leave unscathed.’

Keith nodded slowly, trying to pull together some kind of explanation, ‘And Lance was upset?’

‘No.’ Allura said although she didn’t seem so sure now. ‘I mean, I don’t think so. He- he said he was fine.’

‘But did he seem fine?’ Keith said before he could stop himself. What was he doing? Allura would know if he was fine. This wasn’t an argument for him to have.

‘I asked if he was and he said so.’

‘Are you sure?’ Keith could kick himself. What was he doing? Allura was Lance’s _girlfriend_. Of course, she’d be sure. Keith should not be butting him. What if he was causing a rift between them? What if he caused another fight? Lance had looked so hurt last time. He didn’t deserve to look hurt.

Keith shook his head hard. ‘Nevermind.’

This wasn’t his place.

‘Lets just get on with the test, yeah.’

Allura hummed, but she didn’t move right away. She bit her lip staring down at the machine. Keith shifted nervously in his seat. Why was he worrying about this?

Allura moved suddenly. She was at his arm, unbuckling the cuff and unplugging wires. Keith’s brain didn’t catch up quick enough to help out, feeling his mouth part in confusion.

‘I think on second thought, I have all the tests I need completed.’

Odd. Keith shrugged out of the equipment anyway. Watching her hands he saw them shaking slightly. Then Allura gestured to the door. ‘You’re free to go.’

‘O-okay.’ Keith said, still a little lost. He stepped towards the door, taking a second to look back. Allura’s brows were furrowed and she was tidying equipment with alarming efficiency. Keith decided it best to leave her to it, leaving the lab and heading back to his room, trying to ignore the knot of guilt in his stomach. It wasn’t his fault Allura seemed so off, right? Or the stupid Lance-oriented feelings that still clung heavily to his heart.


	9. Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunk finds Lance in the Red Lion.

‘-ance?’

Lance was concentrating on breathing. His throat felt tight, his muscles too tight. He wanted to rip off his armour just to breathe. In for two out for four, in for… how many was it? He could barely hear what was going on around him, even Red a muted rumble in the back of his mind. Everything was thumping, blood in his ears, heart in his chest, foot on the floor. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling heat pour down his cheeks. He needed to stop. Needed his mind to just stop.

‘Lance? Buddy, you in h-’ A gasp. Then footsteps falling over themselves.

‘Dude! Lance! Are you okay!?’

There was warmth covering his knees. Not the burning kind that seemed to be drowning him – the soft kind. Lance peeked his eyes open and found himself staring into the soft brown eyes of his best friends. His brows dipped in concern, but his hands held firm and grounding. Thumbs swirled in slow circles across Lance’s knee caps and he tried to focus on feeling. Slowly his breaths came to align with the feeling, drawing in and out with the movement. And after a minute he felt his stomach uncoil, shoulders releasing their strong hold against his neck.

‘I’m okay.’ Lance breathed, voice thin and catching against the lump in his throat.

Hunk shook his head. ‘No, you’re not.’

Lance frowned at his knees. He was now. ‘I won’t force you to stay.’

Hunk squeezed his palms until Lance looked up. The chocolate eyes were now steel, burning him to the spot. ‘Would you leave me? If this were the other way around?’

‘No!’ Lance spluttered. He would never – had never. Hunk had a tendency to panic, his thoughts easily swept up into tornadoes and Lance was now well-practiced in the art of bringing them down. He’d never leave Hunk alone like that, because Hunk was brave and considerate and kind and helping with his troubles was the least Lance could do to show appreciation for their friendship. ‘Of course not.’

‘There, you see, same goes for me. This isn’t some one-sided deal. I know you all love your self-sacrifice but Hunk is here to say no. You are worth my time. So, yeah. Not leaving.’

‘Hunk…’

‘Ah ah ah. No.’ Hunk interrupted, batting his nose. ‘You’re upset. That much is obvious. Did something happen? With Allura? Did you guys argue?’

Lance shook his head, feeling his eyes prickle again.

‘Then why isn’t she here?’

Hunk’s tone had dipped into something with bite. Lance felt his tummy twist. Hunk’s anger was rare but never wrong. Lance never doubted it. When Hunk was angry then there was a clear case of unjust. But this wasn’t really the case. Right? Lance shrugged his shoulders.

‘Told her I was fine.’

‘And she, what? Believed you? No offense bud, but I think it’s fairly obvious you are not fine.’

Lance opened his mouth but no words came out.

‘Lance.’ Hunk said firmly, digging his fingers into Lance’s knees, ‘leaving someone like this is not okay. You know that, right?’

Lance bit his lip. It’s not like he had told her to stay. And when she asked if he was fine, he didn’t exactly say no. His mind was too busy for that. Lance felt his eyes burn. He hadn’t said yes either. In that moment, he needed someone, anyone, to just hold him together. To take his hand and lead him out the labyrinth of his mind. But he was left out in the cold and barely clinging to life. Without another thought, Lance threw himself into Hunks arms. Burying his nose into his hair, he let out an uncontrollable sob, Hunk’s shoulder already becoming soaked.

‘It’s okay, it’s okay,’ Hunk soothed, sweeping him up into his cosy warmth.

‘I just- I really screwed up.’ Lance burst out, squeezing Hunk tighter. ‘I had a clean shot. At the Altean. And I didn’t take it. Allura had to sacrifice the particles and we barely got out alive. Now we’re another step back from defeating Haggar and I could’ve stopped it all if I just stopped. Being. So. Damn. Weak.’

He slumped against Hunk, squeezing his eyes shut against the fabric of his t-shirt. That’s what it all came back to. Weakness. Insecurity. Simply put, Lance wasn’t good enough. It frustrated him to no end. He had no place in this team. In this fight. He’d fallen into a chasm and didn’t have the strength to pull himself back out again.

‘Lance.’

Hunk pushed him back, holding him by the shoulders.

‘Getting out alive is not a setback. In my opinion, it’s the best possible outcome.’

Lance tensed under his hold. Was that really true? Hunk’s mouth slipped into an encouraging smile.

‘It’s all well and good saying you should’ve taken the shot with hindsight that everything worked out. But you didn’t know. And, I, for one, am glad you didn’t take it. I’d much rather be here consoling you for your so-called mistakes than to be pacing around the med-bay tying up injuries and trying to find the nearest space hospital.’

Lance’s lip caught against his cheek. A small laugh tumbled from his lips, and he covered his mouth, but not quick enough. Hunk’s face was alight. He grinned impossibly wide, knocking into Lance’s shoulder and watching as Lance’s watery laughter released the last of the tension from his body.

‘Alright.’ Hunk announced. ‘I know what you need.’

Lance cocked his head. He was pretty sure Hunk had already given that to him – honest advice and the squishy comfort of his arms. Hunk disagreed.

‘Me and Keith made some rather delectable ice-cream earlier, before he told me he was lactose-intolerant.’

Lance snorted. Classic Keith. Failing to mention important information because he’s just along for the ride. Although, to be fair, Lance would probably do anything for Hunk right now, so he wasn’t one to judge.

‘So, now I’ve got a whole batch just for myself. Let’s say, you get yourself cleaned up and we meet in the rec-room in ten minutes for some well-deserved ice-cream and movies?’

Ice-cream and movies? Lance relaxed at the thought. That sounded good. No, in fact, that sounded perfect. Lance’s stomach nearly rumbled at the thought and he rubbed his eyes before they could release another wave of tears. Hunk really was an angel. Lance truly believed he was sent down just to keep him from completely falling apart. Lance’s lips shook but he still managed a watery smile.

‘Sounds like a plan.’

Before Lance could even think about shifting out his seat, Hunk was throwing himself at him.

‘I love you, man.’ He spluttered, arms hooking tight around his neck.

Lance chuckled, batting at his back, ‘love you too.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is such a short one! I just wanted to give Lance some comfort and leave the chapter on a nice note for once!
> 
> Thanks for reading~ ♥


	10. Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allura finds Lance in the hangar and things escalate

Allura was on her way to the hangar when a blur of yellow blitzed past her. Hunk just about slowed enough to squeeze past her and mumble a quick sorry, before he was racing down the corridor once again. Allura watched for a moment before continuing towards the hangar. She’d ask about it later.

Just through the arch of the doorway, and she saw Lance’s feet stumbling down Red’s ramp. Thank goodness! She was concerned she’d have to go on a wild goose chase. After what Keith had said, she felt she should check on him. The thought that he hadn’t followed her down the ramp was playing in the back of her mind. So, it was a stroke of luck he’d still been there. She moved to take a step forward before she stopped short. Lance was rubbing roughly at his eyes, sniffing hard and bowing his head. His cheeks were blotchy and his skin didn’t shine in the usual sense. Anger immediately bolted through her body.

‘You said you were fine.’

She hadn’t meant to snarl, or to scare him. But it burst out, uncontrollable like a volcano and Lance nearly tripping over his own feet at the words. Wide eyes flew to hers. Then they sank into something sharper.

‘Well,’ he hissed with equal venom, ‘I wasn’t.’

Fury entered her lungs, too quick for her to decipher. Lying. Lies. Allura hated them. Her whole life was covered in them. She wanted them gone. Banished. And before she knew it, she was throwing the feeling into her words like poison darts. ‘So, you lied.’

Lance’s mouth tightened. Then his eyebrows lowered dangerously, reminiscent of the look he wore when he was aiming a snipe.

‘I didn’t lie.’ Lance bit out, fists tightening. ‘I barely even responded.’

‘But you agreed!’ Allura cried. She wasn’t listening and she knew it. But she didn’t have time to feel remorse when her brain was fogged with such raw anger.

‘No I didn’t Allura. Or maybe I did, I don’t know!’ Lance threw his hands up in frustration, ‘Either way, I was not fine and you shouldn’t have left.’

‘And you lied!’ Allura practically shouted, ‘tell me to stay, I stay, tell me you’re fine, you’re fine, tell me the truth, and I will trust you.’

‘I DIDN’T LIE!’

Allura burned, refusing to accept any more of the same lies, but she didn’t get a chance to retort. Lance marched forward, face red and raw.

‘Fine doesn’t always mean fine. It means I’ll be fine. Or I don’t want to say I’m not fine. Or I need to pretend everything’s fine. Fine doesn’t mean good, okay!? It means look closer. It is not a lie.’

Allura recoiled. She hadn’t expected Lance to speak with such heat, or such… sincerity. The words were sharp, but they were not wrong. The anger behind them, it made the impact more solid. And his conviction made her want to listen. But the anger wanted to cling on, like thorns that couldn’t let go. Her voice wobbled, ‘but, it’s dishonest…’

Lance sighed, rolling his head around his neck. ‘Look Allura. I know that lying’s bad. But sometimes telling the truth is hard. I’m only human okay? We’re not evil, we’re not trying to blackmail anyone, or to deceive you. We’re just trying to protect ourselves. So whatever vendetta you’ve got against lying, you need to drop it, because humans lie. And the reasons aren’t just black and white. Sometimes, the truth is obvious, but a lie is all we have.’

Allura lost all words now. Lance’s tone was soft by the end of his speech, and he wore the smallest hint of a saddened smile that made her heart squeeze. He kept it a second longer, chest still heaving with emotion. Whilst she simply stared, he turned away, walking straight out the other side of the room.

Lying. Lance was right. It wasn’t just black and white. There were far more complicated emotions at work behind them. Yes, some were worthy of rage hotter than the sun. She felt that firmly. But she also knew Lance didn’t deserve that. He had clearly been upset when she entered the hangar, and what had Allura done? She’d yelled. She didn’t ask what was wrong, didn’t try to help. She just attacked. Why? Why did lying make her blood boil so much? They made her want to lash out, forced her mind to cloud over. She trusted Lance. She knew he wasn’t going to hurt her. And yet, still, she couldn’t bear the thought of him lying. She didn’t listen, didn’t wait. She just hurt him. And now she hurt too. Because why? Why did she act out? Why did the smallest hint of a lie make her launch into an attack of full force? Why did her stomach plunge deep into a pit of remorse, when she hadn’t even been betrayed?

Oh.

It was because she had been. Not by Lance, but by someone else. The fog finally lifted as she saw her behaviour for what it was. Deflection. She was deflecting. All the anger, the fear, the hopelessness, the things she had refused to deal with before, they were all getting thrown onto Lance because… because she refused to think about him. About Lotor.

The problem was, in all that time she’d spent ignoring the thoughts, the feelings, the negative emotions, they hadn’t stayed still. They had slipped out the box and spilled over her mind like a smashed vial of poison. It infected her like a disease and she needed to cleanse it. She needed to face the mess head on. Conquer it, once and for all. Open the box. She sighed, scrubbing a hand through her hair. She needed to face Lotor.

That was easier said than done.

~*~

Allura found herself back in the lab, resting her elbows on the table and staring at the entity. The thing she knew Lotor had a hand in creating. How could he? He told her he dreamed of bringing back Altea. Of fixing his father’s wrongs. Of reaching peace across the universe. And then it turned out to be lies. That he had just abused her trust. The Altean’s trust. He knew that she was not alone. He knew that there were Alteans living out there. He knew that there were Alteans being sapped of life under their very noses.

Her blood was liquid fire, her eyes too. How could he? She thought- she hoped, that maybe, what he said could be true. That she’d found someone to share her passion with. To live Altea with. She squished her palm against her eyes. Betrayal. Above all else it caved hollow in her stomach. Lotor betrayed her. His sting left her questioning every decision she’d ever made, questioned every motive of those around her. One minute prince, the next minute bandit. He tore a hole in her heart as well as the universe. Now there was a rift in the Altean populace, Allura was barely allowed to see. How dare he.

Allura began tugging the jar across the table. She would beat this. Him. Lotor had poisoned her and she just let it happen. But no more. She would act strongly. Right all his wrongs and her own. First, she would discover exactly what he’d done. She’d absorb the entity.

With a final click, she flipped the clasp withholding the entity. It started vibrating faster, like it was eager for its next victim. Which she would not be. She stared it down, focusing on keeping her mind her own. Then she slipped her hands in, took the writhing ball of energy and shadow into her hands and hauled it to her chest.

It burned like ice. Turned acrid in her veins. It sprawled like spiders running up and down the underside of her skin. Allura stumbled back, a scream trapped in her throat and dragging down her throat. Her vision flashed, hazy, clear, negative, bright. Her feet were no longer firm beneath her and the room wobbled around her. Her ears buzzed. She couldn’t lift her arms. It was getting darker. Darker. Her skin was slipping away. Her heart thundered but faded from her chest. Her hip slammed into something hard. She threw her hands out for purchase, glass smashing, papers flying. She couldn’t grasp anything, her muscles losing their battle. Her vision swooped. Something cold slammed into her head. Then everything was silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh Allura's finally facing her feelings and Lance called her out!!


	11. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lotor's memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a chapter of Lotor's memories, so a warning it does include Zarkon's and Haggar's abuse of him. If you want to skip his childhood go to  
> the paragraph starting: The images blitzed past now... which is after the third ~*~

Blurs of colour, rushes of words, whispers, shouts and cries. Everything was happening around Allura. And yet, nothing was. She felt like air amongst it all, neither attached or detached from the world. It was surreal. She was just an observer, unable to really feel at all. Scenes blended and flashed, flitting past like a picture book until it clicked into place.

“Father.”

Allura was faced with a young boy, eyes cold as steel as he faced a man five times his size. He had the plump cheeks of youth but his words, his demeanour, were aged, like a boy who’d never felt the lightness of childhood.

 “Where is my mother?”

“Lotor.” The man hissed, turning his hunched back and wrinkled skull, “we do not discuss these matters.”

“But-”

“NO.”

It was ferocious. Like a lion defending its territory and Lotor shrunk down, already losing that defiance he’d worn so bravely. His eyes turned alert, not with defiance but with fear. They widened, revealing their true age. And they were young. So very young. He couldn’t have been older than seven, and Allura shuddered at the pure rage directed at such a small face. She expected Lotor to run, to hide under a table, maybe even cry. She would understand. But he didn’t. When Zarkon turned his back once again, Lotor raised himself to full height and filled his lungs like balloons.

“WHY WON’T YOU TELL ME?”

“BECAUSE.” Zarkon launched himself back around, shoving haggard skin against soft innocence. “You insolent boy need to learn who your emperor is.”

He poked a claw into the child’s chest, forcing him backwards.

“Respect my authority,” he pressed, lips curling into a snarl, “or join the rest of the insurgents.”

At that his slim eyes flickered to the window and the child’s face fell apart into complete and utter horror. Allura only caught a glimpse but it was enough to fill her very being with acrid repulsion. A body. Floating past the window as if nothing but debris. But it was a stain on the sky. A clear warning. A haunting image that consumed her. Immense fear became smothering as she watched once glassy eyes dull into mist. The boy slumped to the floor, bones dust.

The picture faded into something else now. Lotor, in little red dungarees and hair slicked neatly back, lying on the ground surrounded by books, legs kicking in the air as he poured over the words in front of him. Not the same boy. A happier one, who hadn’t just witnessed the fragility of life, the horrors of war and the crimes of his own family. In fact, it would be a picture of childhood if it weren’t for the books themselves. They were not brightly coloured, or bold in their fonts. Instead they appeared old, and worn, pages yellow and script more of a scrawl than any font of a typeset writer. But Lotor treated them like beloved picture boots, nose pressed up to the spine as his eyes glittered across the thick pages in front of him.

“Ahh,” Came a voice from behind, croaky with disuse. Lotor spun around immediately on edge.

“What do you want witch?” Lotor spat, chest puffed out as if he were the guardian of his little library.

“I see you are interested in Altea.”

“Yes. My mother was Altean, why shouldn’t I be?”

The witch twitched at the words.

“A pitiful race.” She said darkly, lips curling around the word and Allura was filled with such anger she thought she might combust. This was just a child. And her words bloodied and wrong. She spread hatred in every drop of her presence and Allura wanted to boil it. “They are of no interest to you.”

“And why not?”

“Because,” Haggar said, voice hissing like a snake, “they no longer exist.”

Lotor narrowed his eyes though he seemed uncertain, toeing the book closest to his feet further behind his back, “I don’t believe you.”

“The Galra are a far superior organisation wouldn’t you agree?”

Lotor’s mouth pinched tight under slanted brows. “Untrue. The Altean’s are incredible! They have a beautiful culture, alchemic powers and fought for everyone! Not just their people, but others too! Anyone who needed help!”

Haggar stepped further into the room, crunching paper beneath her feet, saving her glare for Lotor himself. “You want protection? The Galra protects its own.”

“By destroying others!” Lotor yelled. The witch loomed larger.

“What hope is there for planets who cannot fight! The Emperor is simply doing his duty, keeping the empire thriving.”

“The Alteans never would!” Lotor threw back, undeterred by the woman’s snarl, “they used alchemy to gain quintessence!”

“You think Altea was better?” The witch snapped, “you think your precious Altea was innocent?”

“Don’t think, I know!” Lotor roared, slamming a fist into his chest to defy the witch despite barely reaching her waist.

“YOU KNOW NOTHING!”

The witch shoved the boy to the ground, circling like a vulture. Her mouth sprawled into a leer as she moved, speaking like gravel being churned.

“You know how the Altean’s got their quintessence?”

“Alchemy,” Lotor shouted in the mist of Haggar’s movement.

“Exactly,” she snarled, “alchemy. Of beings. They taught the Galra how to take it straight from living matter.”

“You’re lying!”

“You are naïve!” Haggar boomed, pushing closer until Lotor was shrinking back, eyes wild.

“It’s not true,” he said in a shaky voice.

“Altean’s harvested quintessence just like the Galra. At least our kindly emperor spare the planets their pain.”

“No!” Tears streamed down the boy’s cheeks as he practically begged, fists tight and banging on the floor. “Stop this. Stop your lies!”

“There are no lies Lotor.” She hissed, hand producing another book, pages tumbling to the floor, “If you love Altea so much, take a look at its real legacy. Maybe then you’ll learn of the kindness your emperor shows you.”

The book thudded to the floor, the witch gone in a wisp of smoke. Lotor rubbed at his dripping eyes, staring at the paper on the floor. Then he picked it up.

~*~

Warm and humid. That’s how Allura felt now, dewy droplets between large green leaves. An orange sky stretched above, thrown in with yellow and white bleach. An older Lotor was below, handsome, tall, but not quite big enough to fill his limbs. He had a manner in his walk, one of confidence and satisfaction. As if he’d found the way he was meant to walk and was determined to take every step of it with pride.

“And food supplies?” He asked, voice carrying a familiar regal essence but a heart aching softness Allura had witnessed but a few times. He tilted his head down to a shorter alien, who had orange skin pulled tight to their skull and bright emerald eyes that seemed as awed as Allura felt.

“This is the best harvest we’ve had in years, young prince!” The alien squeaked, yellow brightening in patches across their face, eyes squeezing into thin curves, “I can’t thank you enough for lending your forces to sweep the Pamplenut trees! We could have never powered our City without the extra fruit you collected! The help of the Galra has really been something!”

Lotor shook his head, blonde hair sweeping out in smooth silky strands despite the sticky heat.

“No need for gratitude, Erustace. Your willingness to join our collaboration has been monumental in allowing us to pave the stones for a brand-new future. It is I who wishes the thank you, on behalf of my father’s empire.”

Erustace practically glowed with the compliments, hopping beside Lotor like a puppy. Lotor himself didn’t remain unaffected, smile wide on his cheeks. And that struck Allura. When had he last smiled so freely? In her time, they were few and far between, small things that stuck to his cheek, too shy to come out in full. Free. Lotor was free here. Free of a burden Allura knew he shouldered. One that was beginning to fill her with dread.

“What is the meaning of this!?”

The smile dropped, Lotor nearly tripping over her own feet. Zarkon stamped through the land, slapping at tree branches and crushing flowers under the thick soles of his boots. The wince was visible on Lotor’s face, even when he tried to school his expression into something more neutral even though defiance glinted in his eye like a blade.

“Emperor Zarkon.”

He knelt into a deep bow, hand flicking by his side towards the alien who quickly scuttled away into the trees.

“Stand and face me Lotor.”

The young man quickly righted himself. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?” He asked, standing tall despite the way his fingers refused to sit still against his palms. Zarkon pushed him into shadow, Allura feeling the cold of his presence as he stepped closer and taller.

“This is not how a conqueror behaves, how the conquered behave. This is not subjugation.”

“It is not, sire. It is better.”

“Better?” Zarkon roared, word echoing through the trees. “Do you question my authority?”

“No! I merely-”

“ENOUGH!”

Lotor sprang back but Zarkon grabbed his arm and hauled him forward.

“Insolence will get you nowhere boy. Overcome this weakness or I’ll have to beat it out of you.”

“But-”

The word was cut off by a slap across the face. Lotor looked stunned, the sound ringing out across the planet. Not a bird could be heard now. Not a word. Just the heavy breaths of a boy holding his cheek and a man marching away.

“Take this planet before my return or suffer the consequences.”

~*~

“No! You don’t understand! This planet’s resources are vital! If we just work-”

“What did I tell you!?”

Lotor was on the floor, hands in chains and soldiers circling around him, guns poised to kill. Zarkon sat on his throne, seething. He spat his words in front of a window glowing with orange and green from a planet far below. A planet they’d been moments before.

“If you’d just listen, co-existence can make our empire so much richer. Erustace showed me how the fruit of their planet can be used as a power source, father we-”

“THAT’S EMPEROR TO YOU!”

Glass eyes shattered as the man erupted. Anger swept the base into silence as Zarkon glared down at Lotor, forcing him to sink back into his shoulders. Lotor’s voice became a thin whisper, “I don’t understand.”

“I am in charge, I am the leader and I am your emperor. I know what is best for my empire, and if you cannot understand that then you don’t deserve to be a part of it.”

Lotor stared up at the man, mouth falling slack as the words landed like punches.

“You are banished.” Zarkon announced coldly. “Return to this empire at your very demise.” Then he turned to the guard stood next to him, “Destroy the planet.”

“WHAT!?”

“And make sure he sees every last ember.

“NO!”

Lotor launched himself forward, straining against his chains as soldiers threw themselves at him stopping him in his tracks. “NO! NO! YOU CAN’T-”

His words cut short as the sky turned to fire. Explosions rumbled through the ship but all Allura could her was white noise. She felt sick.

~*~

The images blitzed past now, Lotor crying, shouting, screaming in frustration. A tiny ship, a small planet, a darkened bar. Then it was books, research, hands gripped tight in tangled hair. Then it was a spark and movement. Alteans. Talking. Laughing. Lotor happy. A fight. A galra. Acxa joining his side. Yet more Alteans. A new land. Feelings of safety, of success, of freedom. It all whisked by so quickly. A bombardment of emotion. Then it reeled to a stop.

“Lotor! Get out!”

“No! I won’t leave you here.”

They were in a base. A mission gone awry. Acxa and Lotor dressed as soldiers, stealing information from some sort of laboratory. Lotor had his hand curled tightly around his bicep, fingers bloodied and face swollen with a thick red bruise. Growling, he shouldered aside sentries, watching as Acxa fought tooth and nail with a man twice her size. She held her own well, using the hilt of her gun like a sword, but Allura had witnessed her fight first hand and knew she was inexperienced here. Young. But her eyes shone with wild determination, something Allura could feel tingle through her like fire.

“GO! Our empire needs you!” Axca screeched. She lost her footing and the Galra shoved hard, Acxa tumbling back into what Allura had assumed was a wall. It quickly revealed itself as a lie, Acxa falling straight through and pulling a curtain down around her. Glass smashed and metal clanked as she pedalled for purchase. The soldier took this as an opening raising his sword. She squeezed her eyes shut, but before the final blow could be taken, his arm was shot clean through. She opened her eyes just in time to find Lotor barrelling into the soldier.

“We need to get out of here!” He yelled and Acxa scrambled to her feet. Lotor was unarmed and weak, the soldier already getting the upper hand. He rolled out the way just quick enough for the soldier’s blow to miss but he slammed into the machine beside them. It appeared to be part of some kind of production line, hissing with the blow. Sparks burst out and a conveyor wobbled to a halt. The soldier didn’t care for the damage already going in for another swing. Acxa threw herself at him as the swing of his sword narrowly missed Lotor, colliding with the thousands of bottles lying on the belt. Yellow burst out across the room, splattering like blood but sparkling like gold. Acxa sprang back before he could turn and slammed a foot into his back, sending the soldier straight into the pile of glass and liquid. He screeched, ripping at his face trying to turn back as Acxa shot a final laser into his back.

“Are you okay?” She panted, already running to Lotor’s side. The man nodded, though seemed distracted by the machine behind them.

“The quintessence line.” He said flatly. Acxa tugged him over her shoulder.

“Seems it’s a secret even amongst the troops.” Acxa offered, shifting them towards the door.

“Wait.”

Lotor glared at the machinery, eyes flickering with a thousand thoughts slowly becoming more harrowed. “We need to cover this.”

“Why?”

“We can’t let Zarkon know his quintessence line has been breached. If he finds out he’ll come straight out here and-”

“The colony.” Acxa finished, eyes dimming into horror, “he’ll find the Alteans.”

“Exactly.” Lotor slipped out of her grip, tugging at the curtain, “grab the other side.”

The two worked quickly, returning the fake wall to its place, hiding the production line.

“This will evade suspicion for now but if quintessence stops being produced…” Acxa trailed off, staring widely at Lotor, “what do we do then?”

Lotor bit his lip, wincing as he returned his arm to his side, covered in red.

“I-I don’t know.”

The scene faded but the words echoed. Allura had never seen him so unsure. Weak. Scared. It didn’t sit right, like the wrong brick in a wall.

~*~

“Lotor, they’re making the call in two vargas. We need to do something now!”

Acxa was on a hover screen in a chemical lab, piloting some sort of jet and flying fast from an explosive sky.

“I’m trying!” Lotor yelled back, hair tied back, stormy eyes glaring hard through screens and papers scattered over the bench, “there’s just nowhere to get quintessence in this sector.”

“Then find another way to get some! All those books you read, there’s gotta be something!”

“No! There’s nothing!”

“There has to be!” Acxa yelled, panting as she whirled through another fleet, “if we get found out, Zarkon will not let this colony survive.”

“I KNOW!” Lotor threw down his tablet with a mighty clatter, shattering glass as his papers flew like a bomb. Then he threw himself down, burying his head in his hands on the desk. “I just- I don’t know what to do.”

“Anything.” Acxa prompted, softer this time, though still maintaining the hard edge of urgency.  “We don’t have a lot of options right now. Just give me something.”

Lotor frowned at his desk, grip tightening in his hair. A low growl spread from his chest, then he was throwing a drawer open and ripping out the contents. Books, papers, pens, everything flew out across the room until he found what he was looking for. A book with a deep black cover and pages brown and worn.

“This.” He said, throwing it down on the desk. “We can make our own.”

“Then do it!” Acxa shouted, feed buzzing as she ducked into a loop, clearly on the tail of an enemy ship.

“It’s- it was from the witch.”

“You stole it from Haggar?”

“Not exactly,” Lotor murmured, lips curling like he’d taken a bite out of a lemon, “I don’t trust her or this one bit.”

“But it’ll let us make quintessence?”

“Theoretically.” Lotor replied, flicking through the pages, and looking as if they made him want to vomit, “At a cost. We have to take it from the Alteans.”

“How?”

“There’s plans for a machine here, simple to make, and, by the looks of it, used by Alteans of old.”

“Then that’s perfect!”

Lotor shook his head. “I don’t what it will do to them. It may cause harm.”

“But the Alteans themselves used it?”

“Yes.” Lotor said with an unease Allura could feel in the pit of her stomach, “but Haggar gave this to me. I can’t help feel there’s more at work here.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Acxa shouted, taking another dive, the rumble of explosives now clear over the call, “we need quintessence now or the colony dies. Do it.”

Lotor bit his lip staring at the pages longer. Torn. His eyes thundered, muscles pulled tight. Then he shut the book with a loud thump and shoved it under his arm.

“I’ll be in the second lab. Two doboshes. Find me a willing recruit. Don’t spread any news of Zarkon, he won’t be finding us any time soon.”

Then the images turned to nothing.

Allura felt cold. Harvesting. This is how it began. And yet, it wasn’t what she thought at all. She was disgusted, repulsed even at the notion. But given the alternative, she wasn’t sure what made her feel sicker. The Alteans were safe right? But at what cost? And how many really were? The whole affair made her numb. When she finally blinked into bright light, with a body of flesh and bone, her cheeks felt wet and her stomach knotted. She didn’t know what to think. It was all too much. But the ache in her heart was loud and clear. She really loved Lotor. She only wished he’d been offered a better path. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late!! It was a really hard chapter to write and I really wanted to do Lotor justice because I think he deserved better :(  
> Also, sorry if updates are slow from now on but I'm at home and I'm also revising for exams so busy busy!! 
> 
> Thanks for sticking around!! ♥


	12. Juniberry Flower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A turning point for Allura

Allura felt like death itself. She sat up as if doused in treacle and her stomach felt uneasy, ill in an unusual sense – full but empty. It swirled uncomfortably and Allura realised with a start it was the entity, swooping like an eel in and out of her intestines. She lurched forward, gagging emptily.

“Allura are you okay!?”

An arm scooped Allura up into warmth and she sank into it, inhaling the light smell of cotton as a hand smoothed gently over her back. She looked up warily, finding Colleen smiling down at her.

“How are you feeling?”

Allura just sighed, allowing herself to be manoeuvred until she was propped up between her pillow and Colleens side.

“I feel lost.”

“Lost?”

Allura nodded, thoughts of Lotor, Lance, and hurt flooding her mind.

“I saw-” she stopped herself, swallowing around the lump in her throat, “I saw a lot.”

Colleen gave her a sympathetic smile, passing over a glass of water that she gulped down eagerly. How long was she asleep for to make it taste so sweet?

“Like what?” Colleen pressed, squeezing Allura close into her side.

‘Well… I saw Lotor. And his past.”

It had been like walking amongst the scene of a nightmare, grey lines and wrenching emotion. Even now, it still held Allura in custody, the flickering feelings of fear and sorrow heavy in her heart. There was so much to process, she didn’t know where to begin - how to begin. Colleen waited patiently but Allura couldn’t find an answer. So, she spoke honestly.

“I don’t know what to think. He was in so much pain. I witnessed such… agony, I-I felt what he felt, like a thick cloud of fog smothering me.”

“And it was painful?”

“Unbearably so.”

Allura could still feel it - the coldness of his childhood, the intense fear of his father, the all-consuming agony he felt with his betrayal. The complete emptiness of loss. All those lives, all those people Lotor had known, gone in an instant. She clamped a hand over her mouth, desperate not to vomit. It was too much, she felt it prickle her eyes. He’d tried so hard. Even with the Alteans, he always tried to preserve life. And yet, death followed him everywhere like a shadow. What kind of universe were they living in?

“Hey, it’s okay.” Colleen soothed in a mothering tone not unknown to Allura, but almost forgotten. Her hand smoothed over Allura’s back, squeezing her arm before she was pulling the girl into her breast and enveloping her in softness. “Let yourself feel it.”

Allura did as she was told. She slumped against Colleen, letting her tears soak into her cardigan with little care for the damage. It was too much, all of this. Fighting a war they never wanted to fight, were never supposed to fight. Allura just needed to grieve. She didn’t even have a parent’s arms to crawl into. She’d lost so much. Lotor had lost so much. The universe was broken and Allura was caught in its collapse. Fissures burst under the pressure, the weight crashing down on her in a landslide. And it was painful. Too much to bear. She threw out in sobs, Colleen cradling her close, as she cried and cried, tears pouring until there were no more left in her ducts to cry anymore.  

Eventually Allura’s breaths began to even out, and Colleen gently peeled away, sliding her hand into Allura’s hair to comb through the strands.

“Better?”

“Much.”

They stayed like that a moment longer and although Allura’s mind wasn’t exactly at peace, it was far calmer than before. The fingers gently crossing her scalp gave her something different to focus on. A notion of comfort passing through all the darkness.

“You know,” Colleen said softly, ruffling Allura’s hair, “I brought a little surprise for you when you woke up.”

“You did?”

Colleen nodded, untangling herself from their hug. Allura almost whined at the loss, but then her curiosity won over as she watched Colleen slide over to the table at the foot of the bed and gestured to something. Allura’s breath caught in her throat.

“A juniberry flower.” She breathed, almost unsure whether she should say it because it had to be impossible. Resting on the wood, in a small plant pot was a delicate and assuming flower of three petals, iridescent even in the yellowy Atlas light. It surely couldn’t be, but then what else could it be, with its long green leaves pooling over a firm stem that stood tall under the pink bulb of beauty.

Colleen simply grinned, picking up the plan to place it in Allura’s already outstretched hands. It was like seeing a ghost, a glimmer of her dreams she was sure would never come true, and yet, Allura could reach out and touch it. She stroked her fingers along the rubbery petals, breathing in the thick sweet scent released in the gentle touch.

“How did you-?”

“Pidge told me you liked them. Then it was only a matter of synthesising the seeds from the Castle’s data and replicating conditions.”

Pidge. Of course, Allura should have known. Those two were a wicked combination, and Allura loved them dearly for it.

“This is amazing,” Allura said barely able to tear her gaze from the flower, “thank you so much.”

“It’s no problem.” Colleen replied simply, pressing a mother’s kiss to Allura’s hair. “I know you’ve lost a lot, and moving forward, we’re sure to lose more. But the things you love won’t always disappear.”

She placed a hand over Allura’s on the pot and squeezed tight. “It’s okay to be scared. And to hurt. You have to feel that pain, so that you can move past it. It’s never gone, or forgotten, but it can evolve. You can turn it into better things and I have faith you’ll find the way forward.”

Allura smiled before turning back to the juniberry flower that was beginning to blur. She never thought she’d see one again. She missed Altea so much. She missed her old life, the love of her parents, the safety of her kingdom. And she could never get that back. It was sad, painful even, but here, holding a juniberry flower of all things, she had hope. Maybe she could see more in the future, plant whole fields full of them, tell the universe she’ll take its pain, but on her own terms. And she’ll turn it into something better.

“I think I’ve made some mistakes.” Allura said quietly, tracing the veins spreading through the juniberry leaves. “Through all this, I’ve been selfish. I tried to contain everything, tried to make everything perfect. And all I wanted to do was fix the universe but, not everything can be fixed.”

Colleen hummed, watching Allura carefully. She seemed to want to speak but Allura shook her head, wiping tears from her eyes.

“But my universe can be.” She said, taking a deep breath. It felt like the first breath of clean air she’d taken in months. “I hurt my friends. I took for granted their presence. I bottled up my emotions, ignored my feelings and ultimately, I missed theirs. I’ve been wrong. But I want to make it right.”

Colleen hesitated a second, and Allura’s resolve almost wavered. Was this okay? To concentrate on those around her when the universe was crumbling around them. But then Colleen was smiling, that warm reassuring smile she wore back in the lab weeks ago, and Allura knew she was making the right decision.

“Then I’m sure you can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait!! I've had revision and its hard writing all this angsty stuff when I'm sad and tired BUT this is a turning point. Allura's realised her true feelings and next chapter she'll confront Lance too! I have exams now so it may be a few weeks until upload though, sorry again!!  
> I want to get to the good bits but I gotta work through all their feelings first and I'm tired, angst is tiring, why are you reading this?? I keep whipping out old unfinished fics just to work on something easier :D
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	13. Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A worried Lance finally speaks to Allura but she has something big to tell him.

Allura was awake. The moment Coran announced the news, Lance was flooded with immense relief. He had been beside himself with worry all evening and not even Hunk’s serious talk could make him forget. Seeing her lifeless body on a hospital bed spiked a fear through Lance so intense it felt like he would throw up. He’d fallen into a fitful sleep that night, full of nightmares and ghosts and his nerves were frazzled by the morning.

One thought stuck in his mind like a thorn; it was his fault. There was no way it could have been a coincidence that Allura had been found collapsed on the laboratory floor only hours after their fight. Coran was sure it was an experiment gone wrong, but it was out of hours. She didn’t even have reason to be there, Keith said as much, telling them they’d finished experiments for the day, distress spilling out all over his body. Then Lance mentioned their fight and he’d got this constipated look on his face before leaving all together, stormy eyed and stamping.

That said it all. Between Keith leaving the lab and Allura falling unconscious, only one event had occurred: the fight. And Keith knew as well as anyone that Lance was to blame. He’d left Allura in safety and then Lance came along and threw his stupid volatile emotions into the mix. Why couldn’t he control himself?

Hunk had spent the evening doing what he called ‘rationalising’ with Lance – essentially assuring him of the multitude of reasons Allura was in the lab that were nothing to do with Lance – all of which were flimsy. Somehow, he had managed to persuade Lance to at least try and learn more about the experiments Allura had been undertaking, even if it was only to appease the extra guilt he’d gained for wasting his friends time. In any case, it had seemed a good excuse to talk to Keith. Lance was pretty sure he’d seen less of the loner paladin in the last month than he had when the boy had left for the blades. But when Lance had found Keith, he’d been caught up in some sort of important conversation with Kolivan - all hushed voices and suspicious glances and in no way inviting to a blabbermouth paladin such as Lance himself. So, he gave up. It didn’t matter anyway – whatever Allura was up to, science, alchemy or magic, she had decided to stop. It was only when Lance threw a temper tantrum that things had changed.

Now Lance stood outside the med bay, hand shaking on the door handle. He took a deep breath, steadying himself. If there was anything to be learnt from the thousands of times Lance had been injured, it was that warmth and smiles were the best way to aid recovery. So, he wasn’t going to show Allura fear or shame - he was going to be the rock she deserved, not the sinking stone threatening to drown her. With a final deep breath, he stuck on a smile and pushed into the room.

Allura was sat up against her pillows, tablet propped against her legs and hair spilled loosely over her shoulders. She could have very well been in her own room with how relaxed she seemed, the only hints to her situation being the loose medical t-shirt, green wrist tie and dark circles clinging to her eyes. She looked up as soon as he entered, features smoothing out into an easy smile. Lance rushed to her side.

“Allura! How you feeling!?”

“I’m fine.” She reassured, dignified as always. Lance had no idea how she could maintain such class when lying on a medical bed. “A few lasting aches, but nothing I can’t handle”

Lance nodded, before the worry wound up in his muscles released in a short laugh of relief, “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“It would take more than that to kill me I’m afraid.”

She took his hand squeezing it tight. It was a comforting gesture, but Lance couldn’t help notice how cold her fingers were. Guilt knotted itself in his throat once more.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, sinking into the bedside chair, “I- if we hadn’t fought-”

“NO!”

Lance startled at the volume, blinking widely at Allura who was turning her head. “No. I mean, I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing-”

“No Lance, I do. For one, I worried you all-”

“Hey.” Lance interrupted, brushing a curl of her hair to the side and waiting for her attention to fall on him. “Worrying’s our decision. Maybe even our right. And if we’re thinking about Hunk, it’s our nature. Can’t apologise for nature.”

Allura laughed softly and Lance admired the crinkle of her eyes. She didn’t wear that look nearly enough but it was truly her most beautiful.

“You’re right there.” She said softly. Then she tugged Lance’s hand away from her hair to join it with the other. “However, I need you to listen to me now. No interruptions.”

Lance nodded but couldn’t help feeling a tendril of unease sneak into his stomach. It was his fault, wasn’t it? This was where she announced her disappointment, tell him to be better. Why couldn’t he be better?

“You were right.” Allura said, squeezing his fingers to gain his attention. “When we fought. I didn’t pay you enough attention, I had no idea how you felt.”

“But-” Lance tried to counter, but Allura sent him a pointed look, and he shut his mouth again. No interruptions, right? Wasn’t that hard Lance.

“That wasn’t okay.” Allura continued, and Lance had to force himself to concentrate again. “I should have picked up on your distress, I shouldn’t have yelled. More than that, I should have trusted you.”

Lance tried to shake his head but Allura reached out to cup his cheek, affectively stopping the movement. Her eyes were soft. But they were watery, holding something thick behind them, something Lance didn’t want to see. Something like the inevitable.

“Lance,” Allura pressed, voice growing weak as her thumb smoothed across his cheek, “you’re one of the most treasured people I have in my life, I don’t want to hurt you.”

That line. It felt too familiar. Like wire twisted through his stomach, sharp and barbed, wrapping tighter. Lance didn’t recognise his voice when he spoke, “Allura, you haven’t…”

“I have.” She said, squeezing his hands. It didn’t do anything to keep the blood pumping around his body.

“I cut myself off.” She continued, looking beyond his shoulder as Lance found himself hanging off her every word. “My emotions, my thoughts, my trust. All because I was afraid of what would happen if I looked. But in not looking, I did just as much damage. Lance I-”

Allura met Lance’s eyes now, a single arrow to his heart.

“I still love Lotor.”

Lance’s blood turned to ice.

“W-what do you mean?” He asked, panic cracking shards through his body. This didn’t mean, she wasn’t, they weren’t-

“I mean,” Allura said softly, with purpose, unmistakable in her sincerity, “I can’t be with you anymore.”

The ice shattered.

It was like his world had slowed to a fraction, and yet every frame was more defined. Allura’s crystalline eyes in perfect focus, every swish of light revealing more. Sadness. Pity. Concern. It was all too much. And yet, Lance couldn’t look away. Couldn’t even blink back the thick warmth smothering his eyes. Allura. His girlfriend. Gripping the heart, she would never give him. Holding out the one she never took, cold and lifeless in her palm.

“Lance?”

It stung. The words stung. The gaze stung. Lance shook his head. They were- they’d been together. And yet she still loved Lotor. All this time? Lance’s lungs burned. He thought – he’d actually believed he held a place in her heart. That he was somehow special. How naïve. It was only natural for a princess to find her prince. He’d known that all along, hadn’t he? Lance was no prince. He was barely even a paladin. And who was he kidding? He was barely even a boyfriend. Lance couldn’t stop himself messing up his own life, let alone somebody else’s.

“Lance.” Allura leant into his gaze, searching for something. “I need you to know, I wanted us to work. I do love you.”

Lance let out a pathetic laugh. Yeah, she loved him, but not how he loved her.

“I really do. I just-” Her eyes were glazing over, voice going shaky, “I saw his memories. His abuse. And everything I thought I’d buried came flooding back. I know what he did was wrong but, like you said, it’s not just black and white.”

Lance’s tongue tasted bitter with the sound of his own words.

“I still love him.” Allura sighed, leaning back into her pillows once again, “I don’t know if he was good or bad, or if he meant to do what he did. But I know I can’t just erase our relationship. I can’t just pretend not to feel. When you asked me to meet your family, when you said you loved me, I thought-”

“Stop.”

“Sorry?”

“I said stop.” Lance hissed, barely recognising his own voice. It was raw. Unbidden. Dangerous. “I’ve heard enough.”

“But-”

“No. Allura, I thought-” Lance’s breath hitched and he suddenly realised his face was soaking wet, words catching on sobs. But they weren’t sad. They weren’t pitiful. They were fierce. “I wanted to give you everything. I wanted to be everything for you. I tried my damned hardest, and this entire time…”

He shook his head, memories flooding his mind and flickering into fire. Worn out memories given a new light. Lance hated them. Hated how they turned. Hated how he’d let himself get dragged into this explosion. One question lay in the ashes. One last thing to salvage. “Did you ever think to do the same?”

Allura paused and that was answer enough. He scoffed, shoving his chair back and throwing his sleeve over his eyes.

“Lance,” Allura pleaded, reaching out, “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Course.” Lance shrugged, swiping his hand away and rising to his feet.  

“I don’t want to lose you Lance.” Allura pushed, fear escaping her usually placid façade. “We can still be friends, right?”

Lance looked into her eyes, shining bubbles of hope and apprehension. And he felt nothing. There was a still a shard of ice lodged between his ribs and he drew it out slowly, letting it clatter to the ground. The blood spilled across his chest, red and raw, and he wanted her to see it. He didn’t respond. Instead, he wiped his eyes and strode out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah 2 months late. Sorry for the wait! I did finish my degree though which is pretty cool :)
> 
> I wasn't sure if I was going to carry on writing not only this fic but in general and I'm still debating but I feel like I owe it to myself (and you ♥) to finish this fic even if it's not perfect and it takes longer than expected because I started and I have it all mapped out in my head. I want it written. But I really struggled with this bit, I rewrote this and the next chapter like three times and was like arghhh! I was scared I was making Allura the bad guy but then I realised in Lance's eyes she was the bad guy here so I settled with it. And then I didn't want to leave him sad aGAIN but it's kind of necessary. So it is getting better for him in the future I promise! Healing takes time but it will happen ♥ 
> 
> Thank you for sticking around!! Sorry it's taking so long! ♥


	14. Bitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is a bitter lil bug after his breakup with Allura

Lance was bitter.

He’d tried constraining his bitterness to his room but it was too powerful. He’d tried sitting bitterly in Red but her curiosity had nearly driven him insane. He had even gone as far as shooting bitterly at targets, but that proved to make his mood worse when his fingers pulled too strongly at the triggers and his aim veered dangerously with every shot.

And now that it was heading into late evening, not only was he bitter, but he was bitter _and_ hungry. A nasty combination. Lance considered his only option left was to hunt down food in order to return to those halcyon days of plain bitterness. Or, maybe, he could have a little fun and branch out into sour?

Huffing into the kitchen he had hoped to find it empty but, of course, on a ship with a crew of over a hundred people, that was impossible. Keith was there. Now frozen mid step. He stared widely at Lance, clinging to a tray full of steaming brownies wearing oversized gloves that very clearly belonged to Hunk.

“Hey.” Lance grunted, throwing himself down onto a stool. He could do with a brownie.

“Hey.” Keith echoed, blinking into space. He seemed too lost to notice Lance eyeing the brownies. Then he was sweeping past without a second look. The tray clattered onto the work surface, and Keith was briskly swiping the gloves from his hands – hands, Lance noticed, that were still wearing his signature fingerless gloves. What the hell was wrong with this boy? Lance was about to comment when Keith whizzed past once again, this time out the room. Lance stared after him. But he didn’t return. Nor did he shout a word of goodbye. And after a good few minutes of silence, Lance decided he wasn’t going to.

“Jeez, couldn’t offer a dying man some food, huh?” Lance muttered under his breath, glaring at the freshly baked goods. When had Keith started cooking anyway? Seemed like information the whole ship could do with. Along with the actual food stuffs he was making. Selfish bastard. Without a second thought, Lance marched over to the tray and cut himself an unreasonably sized slice of brownie.

Then he bit down and immediately spluttered. The cake was molten. Lance had effectively poured burning hot lava onto his tongue in his innocent attempt at gaining nourishment. Curse that Keith. Lance hissed at the half-chewed mess reaching back for the fridge. Then he downed a pint of milk, before reaching out for another. This time he drank slowly, letting the cream soothe his tongue gently as he hopped onto the counter, continuing to sip in a more careful manner.

The cake still steamed beside him. Mockingly. Heat pulled Lance in with the strong smell of melting chocolate and freshly baked sugar. Lance tried to remain vigilant. But the temptation was overwhelming. So, he gave it a small poke. And immediately whipped back with a hiss of pain. Way too hot. Lance quickly concluded that Keith had done this on purpose. Stopping Lance from eating nice food when he was at his lowest was rather typical behaviour and Lance deemed his hasty exit evidence enough. Well, Lance wasn’t going to play his game today. Instead, he was going to wait. Folding his arms, he puffed up his chest in defiance, awaiting counter argument.

None came. It was almost as Keith was giving him the brownies at this point. And after five minutes of silence Lance decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth and helped himself to a much cooler slice. This one was heavenly – just the right balance between cool and gooey, with chunks of a crackling honey-like substance gathered in the middle to add some spark. Lance lost himself to the taste, indulging in more as the kitchen remained empty.

Soon enough, Lance was sliding down onto his back, melting into the countertop. The tray acted more like a hot-water bottle in this position and he felt cosy, in an uncomfortable sort of way. Lance found himself unwilling to move, even when the automatic lights stopped detecting his presence. It was late anyway and he had free brownie. There was no reason to leave.

Lance had adjusted to the darkness rather well by the time it was interrupted by padding feet. At this point, he’d eaten far more than his fair share of the brownie and carefully angled his body over the sin as he rolled his head to find someone else poking around the kitchen.

“Hunk?”

“Ah!” The boy in question jumped, slamming his head into a shelf as he scrambled to spin around. “Oh my god! Lance!? I had no idea you were there!”

Lance shrugged, lying back down to throw a piece of brownie into his mouth, safe in the knowledge that Hunk would never judge him. “Was dark.”

“Oh.” Hunk managed, hand clutching his chest as if trying to force his heart to slow down, “Well, I guess that’s true. But, uhh, why was it dark?”

“Light went out.”

Hunk hummed. Lance pretended not to notice how his eyes narrowed, tracing over his figure to pause briefly over the crumbs covering his shirt.

“Okay. And, not being rude, but why didn’t you turn it back on?”

Lance paused a second. “Comfy.”

“I see.” Hunk said, shuffling closer to peer down at Lance. “Something wrong bud?”

“Nope. Just enjoying my brownies.” Lance said, throwing more crumbs into the air as a distraction.

“Are those not Keith’s brownies?”

“Hey, he left them here! Not my fault he didn’t want them!”

“Okay, okay!” Hunk rushed, holding his hands up, “it’s just… unusual. To find you lying around here. On the counter. Eating brownies.”

Lance rolled his head back up to gaze at the bottom of the cabinets. Someone really needed to start some graffiti on this ship, he decided, it was too plain. Back home every one of his siblings had carved their initials into the underside of the cupboards. In hindsight, they probably should have gone for something a little more anonymous, given their mother, a woman with pride in her home, was the one who would be finding it. Lance shuddered at the memory of the scolding, quickly shovelling in more brownie.

“Is there something going on?” Hunk pressed, sliding onto the table opposite. Lance slowed his chewing to buy more time.

“No?” He said, mid mouthful.

“ _Lance_.”

“Fine!” He exclaimed, throwing his arms across his chest. “Allura dumped me.”

“What!?”

“Yeah. Apparently, she still loves Lotor or whatever.” Fucking Lotor. Lance hated that guy.

“Ah man…” Hunk trailed off, and Lance could practically hear the frown in his voice. “I’m sorry bud. That sucks.”

“It does.” Lance mused, trying not to feel like a pitiful lost puppy, “so, I’m eating brownie.”

“You want to watch a film?” Hunk asked brightly, “Or go to the observation deck? I could grab Pidge too! Sneak around like old times, we could even-”

“Hunk.” Lance interrupted, sharper than he had intended to, “is it okay if we don’t do the whole cheering up thing right now?

“What?”

Lance winced at the palpable worry in his friend’s voice. He loved Hunk, he never wanted to make him sad, but sometimes his care was overwhelming. “I just- I can’t do it right now. I need to take a minute.”

Hunk paused and Lance was scared to look at him in case it made him lose his nerve. But then a warm hand squeezed over one of Lance’s knees, and he found Hunk smiling down at him, all soft and cuddly looking. Man, Lance wanted a cuddle.

“Okay. I won’t say anything. Take as much time as you need. I’ll just be here.”

Lance let out a long-held breath, finally summoning the courage to smile at him. “Thanks Hunk.”

He couldn’t imagine facing everyone right now. Or their pitiful looks. Or any words of encouragement they had to give. Or worse, any knowing phrases. Like they saw this coming or that Lance was a ladies-man anyway – couldn’t be held down. Lance wanted to be held down. So badly. Sure, flirting was a game, but how else were you supposed to win without falling in love?

“No problem,” Hunk said dragging Lance back to the real world. Then his tone shifted into one of warning, “but promise me you won’t fester. I don’t want any festering! Feeling yes. Festering no.”

Lance found himself letting out a soft laugh before he could stop himself. At least he always had Hunk. Friendships rarely ended in explosive fireworks. In fact, they rarely ended at all. Hunk and Lance had been through so much, from petty arguments to near death experiences and yet, Hunk was right here by his side. On a spaceship destined for war. Comforting Lance after a breakup. He laughed again, stronger this time. Even in the most extraordinary situation, the two friends were just doing friend things. Lance felt his chest bloom. He’d never really be alone. In that moment, he decided to treasure Hunk. Properly. Even when other relationships distracted him, Lance never wanted to lose him. Afterall, it was his words that had made Lance’s heart flutter back to life.

“Got it.” Lance said firmly, believing it too, as he swivelled around to sit properly on the counter. “Want some brownie? I didn’t make it myself.”

Hunk laughed, hopping up beside him. “Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was torn about who to send Lance to with his post breakup blues but in the end it had to be Hunk. Friendships never sink am I right!? ;D
> 
> Thanks for reading! Updates will be sporadic but will be ♥


	15. Warrior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allura has an announcement before the teams next mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait!! I was naughty and started a new fic then got employed and have significantly less time to write - BUT I DID IT

There was a tension in the air. Usually when Keith sensed tension he reached for his knife and made a mental note of all the exits. But this wasn’t that kind of tension.

Allura was sat at a round table, back straight and lips pursed, fingers tapping impatiently together where they were clasped on the metal. Beside her was the final empty chair, Keith being the only paladin left to take his place assumed it was for him, but he hesitated. On Allura’s other side was Pidge.

That wasn’t significant in itself, and technically they didn’t have assigned seating so really it shouldn’t have been striking. But Keith found it odd that, despite there having been space, Lance wasn’t sat either side of Allura. Even before they were dating, Lance leapt at the chance to sit close to the girl. If Keith were being honest, it had been kind of annoying - an unnecessary game of musical chairs before every meeting. But now that Lance was sandwiched between Hunk and Pidge, wrapping his fingers impatiently against the table with his chin in his hand, Keith almost _wanted_ him to make a fuss. The way the boy glared up into the corner of the room, ignoring every other face around him despite usually engaging in conversation with anything that had a mouth, or even just something that resembled a mouth, was unnerving.

Maybe it was just today’s subject matter? The entity. Allura had pulled together this meeting overnight, not even forty-eight hours after waking up, and she still had the withered cheeks of a patient in need of rest. Yet, she’d efficiently gathered together all the paladins in one place. In fact, Keith noticed now the whole of original team Voltron were here. Coran was flipping through a clipboard of papers, pacing across the far-side of the room whilst Shiro leaned against the opposing wall, mouth tilted into a frown as he stared at the floor. Keith glanced between them and the table. Why hadn’t one of them taken a seat? There had been enough chairs for at least one of them to sit before his arrival. It made no sense. Surely there most senior members should sit? Keith decided to take a literal stand and edged towards the wall.

He didn’t make it far. Allura cleared her throat to catch his attention and Pidge gave him a look that said ‘sit dumbass’ with a brow line that added ‘or I’ll make you.’ Their youngest hadn’t got much sleep either if the deep bags under her eyes were anything to go by and Keith thought it wise not to argue. He slipped into the last seat, completing the circle as Allura stood up, clearing her throat once again.

“Thank you for gathering here so quickly. This is a matter of deep urgency.”

There were a few nods around the table, and the atmosphere shifted, Keith feeling his stomach harden into battle mode. Allura had asked them to arrive in their Paladin armour. That could only mean thing: a mission. And with how far they’d come in this war, it seemed they’d be facing a difficult one.

“But first, I’d like to say something.”

There was a pause, the tension briefly becoming washed with confusion, and Keith turned his full attention to Allura, despite usually spending his time in meetings concentrating on the tabletop. The girl herself seemed unsure how to proceed too, sucking on her lip and clasping her hands togehter to stop herself fiddling with her nails. Shiro had pointed this behaviour out before, using the moment to teach the young paladins how to present confidence in their diplomacy. Lance thought it was genius. Keith thought he didn’t have time to worry about his hands when he had a speech to force out and the wrong words to keep in.

“I’d like to apologise,” Allura continued, taking a deep breath to rid herself of the wobble in her voice. “I have brought you all along on a journey you never asked for and whilst I believe we have formed an incredible team; I only want to go forward with everyone’s consent. I’ve come to realise that we are all individuals, Human, Altean, Galra, and our goals are not always aligned. To expect you to adhere to mine when I do not adhere to yours is selfish. And I wish to leave that part of myself behind.”

A quiet unfolded through the room, not an uncomfortable one, a more baffled kind. It seemed obvious to Keith that they were too far in this journey to back out now. And he knew full well he wouldn’t be. In his mind, they _did_ all have the same goal: defeat the Galra empire and free the universe. Maybe they hadn’t quite shared the sentiment at first, but now, with the universe at stake, having seen Earth torn apart and countless species tormented, there was no doubt in his mind they were going to finish this. Together.

But knowing this and saying it were two different things. And Keith was by far the worst man for the job. So, he squeezed his hands into fists and looked over to the person he knew would say the right thing. Lance. Keith knew the boy lived for glory, whooping with every shot made and spinning around to check everyone saw his success. Keith always liked that, it gave him a buzz to revel in Lance’s triumph – and motivation to try and beat him. It was fun. But, secretly, Keith admired Lance the most in moments like this. Where he reminded them what a good team they were, offer support and speak their feelings without views clouded by strategies and logic. It was Lance’s love for them spilling out in ways he didn’t even notice, because, to him, it was obvious to start joking with Pidge when she missed her brother or to keep sentences short when Hunk was panicking. He had an understanding of the entire team that Keith could only hope to gain of just one of them. It’s what made him so good at speaking on their behalf. Which was why Keith was so shocked to find him silent.

It wasn’t just that Lance was refusing to speak. He wasn’t even looking at Allura. Instead, he was staring back at Keith, gaze almost imploring. Why was he looking at Keith? This was not his talent. Keith’s instinct was to panic. Why would he speak on behalf of the group? He wasn’t tactful. Or sensitive. And whilst he cared deeply for everyone in the room, he had a very hard time showing it. But Lance continued staring, eyes shining as if he was desperate. Was it because Keith was leader now? He looked down at the table. It must have been. Lance had come to him all that time ago talking about numbers and lions. Maybe this was a reminder to do his job again? But Keith was so sure it wasn’t. He glanced up before quickly averting his gaze once again. Lance really was staring intensely. His jaw was set too, and the fingers that were once tapping against the table now squeezed so tight it looked like his knuckles were about to snap inwards. Keith couldn’t understand. And he definitely couldn’t speak. Whatever Lance wanted from him, Keith wasn’t able to give it. So, he decided to stay quiet too. Besides, hadn’t he decided he was going to put distance between himself and Lance? To do that, he’d have to put his foot down and suffer some awkwardness. Ignoring this nonsense was the right course of action. Plus, Allura was Lance’s girlfriend, he probably had the mother of all speeches laid out for her but was just too shy to say it in front of everyone. It really wasn’t Keith’s problem.

“When we started our journey, I was focussed on a single path.” Allura said, continuing even without the prompt. Her voice was unwavering, and Keith decided to focus solely on her, missing the gleam of hurt he might have seen in Lance’s eye. “I wanted to save Altea and felt that I would be alone without it. I put so much energy into destroying Zarkon, that I missed what we were creating. Because we are not only a team, but we are a family. I am not alone. Because I am here. With all of you. And we may not be the paladins of old, but we share a bond just as bright.”

She took a deep breath and ducked down. Keith had thought it was to take a bow, but then he noticed a glint of light. She reached up her arm, and instead of tucking her hair back, she pulled it loose from a line of gold. Keith watched in slow motion as the crown slid from her forehead and fell to the table with a resounding clink.

“So, if we continue this journey, it will be as equals.” She said, rising once again with eyes sharp as glass. “I am no longer a princess; I am a warrior. Along with all of you. And if we fight, we fight together. I want to preserve the past, but I do not wish to live in it. So, please, rely on me as I am, and allow me to rely on you, as you are.”

The crown was left shining on the table, but Keith didn’t even pay it a glance. Allura was standing tall above them, resolute, as wisps of her hair fluttered across her cheeks. There was determination in her expression, an unmissable energy that bubbled like adrenaline in Keith’s blood. For years, he had been alone. Ruminating in a past he never thought he could leave. He’d lost his mother. His father. Shiro. Become a rogue, a menace, an outlaw. But in just one night, his life had changed.

Keith had become a warrior. Not overnight, but by following that night through. Never giving up. Letting go of his past, forgiving his own weaknesses and realising that he held a place in this world. And Allura’s words sunk deep as he realised, he shared this experience with them all. Keith felt something then. Surrounded by these people he could rely on and who could rely on him. It was a strange feeling - of warmth and wriggles in his belly. Keith was okay.

It struck him, that this must have been what Shiro had envisioned. All those years ago when they met in a small classroom at the edge of a desert. For Keith to find a purpose. To find peace in himself and people to care about. To become someone who fought not because they were spoiling for a fight but because they were stable enough to do it right. And Keith felt a surge of pride that they’d done it together. He turned to Shiro, sharing a proud smile with the man who returned it warmly. But he didn’t speak. Instead, there was loud ugly noise somewhere behind, making Keith jump before he realised it was a wet sniffle and spun around to find Coran dabbing his eyes.

“Your father would be proud.”

It was a simple sentence, but the meaning shone in Allura’s eyes. Keith almost felt like an intruder on the moment, watching as Coran crossed the room to scoop her up in his arms.

“A title is only a word.” He said, pressing a kiss into her hair, “the way someone holds themselves is a true display of character. I’ve always believed that a Royal who could remove their crown and still act with noble intent, is the only person I would ever bow to.”

A happy kind of sadness took over Allura’s face. She seemed relieved, falling wordlessly into his hold as he finished, eyes fluttering shut. Tucked against the man’s shoulder, Allura appeared the youngest Keith had ever seen her. He felt a little stunned. But also ashamed for forgetting how much she’d been through too. It was easy to focus on his own problems, but in their little team, they all needed someone to lean on, even if they never ask.

The two hugged for a long minute before pulling apart, and even then they lingered, Coran squeezing her hands with the admiration of a proud father. It seemed to Keith he _was_ a second father to her. And maybe it wasn’t birth that dictated the relationships in life, but the people who existed within it. That losing a relationship doesn’t mean never forging another. And then Keith really did have to avert his gaze to stop the stinging in the back of his eyes.

“Right.” Allura announced suddenly, wiping her nose and pulling the meeting back on track. “I have a plan I’d like to discuss. If we’re all in?”

There was no delay in the affirmative response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know this chapter was a little short but it took me ages to get right and i think it ties off this section quite nicely? Also I wrote the next bit months ago so should (fingers crossed) be a shorter wait!!
> 
> Thanks for reading!! ♥


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